An Audience of None

In the 1980’s sci-fi comedy, Short Circuit, a charming military robot character, “Number 5,” is awakened into consciousness by a lightning strike. He fears going back to his military keepers where he will be re-programmed. And so, with help from human friends, he begins his touching effort to stay free. His famous line, repeated often, echoes his drive to understand, “Need input!” He is an example of our modern imagination. We understand ourselves to be like Number 5. We need information and on the basis of that information we make choices. It is not uncommon these days for us to use the language of computer systems to describe our own inner workings. Many liken our brains to sophisticated computers.

Research scientist, Robert Epstein, notes:

But here is what we are not born with: information, data, rules, software, knowledge, lexicons, representations, algorithms, programs, models, memories, images, processors, subroutines, encoders, decoders, symbols, or buffers – design elements that allow digital computers to behave somewhat intelligently. Not only are we not born with such things, we also don’t develop them – ever.

Likening a human being to a computer works for many people. It does so because we have a distorted sense of how human beings live and function. This distortion, strangely, has its roots in theology.

The Reformation rejected many of the ideas of Medieval Christianity and set in place new models that would become the foundation of the modern world. One of those was to redefine how human beings were to be understood. Essentially, their simplified model was to see us as intellect and will. There were various shades of agreement and disagreement about whether intellect or will was the more important, but no one doubted that human beings were to be approached on the ground of information and decision-making. Church architecture in short measure began to reflect this new understanding. Altars were de-emphasized, often replaced by a simple table. The pulpit became a primary focus, sometimes being moved to the center of attention. Though sacraments remained important (at first), they were deeply suppressed in favor of “the word.” The Scriptures were emphasized but in a new manner. They were the treasure-trove of all information. Believers were to be instructed constantly and urged towards right choices. Christianity quickly morphed into a society of religious morality (information+decision). This arrangement and understanding are so commonplace today that many readers will wonder that it has ever been anything else.

However, liturgy itself was never meant to convey information in such a manner. It has a very different understanding of what it is to be human, what it means to worship, and what it means to liturgize in the Church. Human beings learn in a variety of ways. Young human beings do almost nothing but learn every waking moment of the day. But they primarily learn by doing (kinesthetic memory) and mimicry (play). It is possible to acquire some information in a lecture format but this remains perhaps the least effective human activity when it comes to learning. It has almost nothing to do with liturgy.

Christianity, prior to the Reformation, was largely acquired as a set of practices. Things that seem rather innocuous (or even superstitious) to the intellectualized/choosing practices of modernity are actually the stuff that constituted, formed, and shaped the Christian life. The pattern of feasts and fasts, the rituals of prayer, the preparation for and receiving of communion, all of these, far too complex and layered to be described in a short article, formed a web of nurture that linked the whole of culture into a way of life that produced Christian discipleship. Those who argue that it did not do a good enough job, have nothing to which they can point as an improvement.[1] Instruction and choice have not made better Christians – indeed, they have been a primary element in the progressive secularization of Western civilization.

These two cultures, the classical and the modern, often clash in the context of an Orthodox Church. Having been formed in popular Protestant culture, people frequently conceive of themselves as audience. They arrive. They want to be seated (and there are not always pews in an Orthodox Church). They want a direct line of sight to “what’s going on,” and they would like the service to not exceed their attention span. The same culture forces will urge that children be either removed from the service as soon as possible or carefully controlled so as not to disturb or distract. I have seen more than a few such “Westernized” Churches (or simply “modernized”). The same forces that produced the modernist liturgical reforms among Protestants and Catholics offer the same arguments. It is difficult to resist the demands of highly insistent consumers.

But all of this is a false mindset, a misunderstanding of what we are as human beings and the nature of our life with God. Living as a consumer is a covenant with death. God is not information to be judged and purchased. The complaint about “cafeteria Catholics” raised a few years back by one of the Popes, is simply an accurate description of Church members who have been nurtured in the modern mindset. They “shop” for their religious beliefs, because they were taught to. It has become their mode of spirituality.

Worship, at its heart, is communion with God, a participation in the life of God through offering, thanksgiving, and grateful reception. The Elder Zacharias describes this as “exchange.” It is utterly natural to human existence, and is as available to a child as it is to an adult. It is, at its root, a mode of existence. The Divine Liturgy at its heart, is an exercise in this mode of being. It is not a performance to be watched, but an action in which to be present.

It is worth noting that in the Orthodox Church children receive communion from the very day of their Baptism – thus, their full participation in the life of the Church is taken for granted. This is expressed in different ways depending on the culture, but it is not unusual to see a child, sitting on the floor, quietly playing with a toy during the service. It is a childlike manner of “being present.”

We are not an audience in the Liturgy. We are not gathering information in order to make a decision. We are in the Liturgy to live, breathe, and give thanks, in the presence of God. There is often a quiet movement within an Orthodox congregation. Candles are lit and tended. Icons are venerated. Members cross themselves at certain words, but are just as likely to be seen doing so for some reason known only to them and God. It is a place of prayer, and not just the prayers sung by the priest and choir.

The struggle for a Christian in the modern world is to renounce the life of the audience. Within the audience we experience a deep estrangement from God. We are always “watching” from somewhere else, always engaging the false self with its criteria of judging, weighing, deciding. The world becomes a beauty contest but never a wedding. Modernity creates false distinctions. We are anxious that if we are not “part of the show,” then we are somehow being excluded. “Where are the women?” a visitor asked, commenting on the group within the altar. Ironically, they were spread throughout the Church, participants in the marriage of heaven and earth that is the Divine Liturgy. “Watching” one of their gender “perform” would make none of them more present, only somehow satisfied in the judgment of the audience that some abstract sense of inclusion had been satisfied.

The false consciousness of the modern world can never be happy nor satisfied, for the heart longs for participation and communion, not for the perfect performance. The voice of the choir swells early in the service, not with the sound of “watch this!” but with the voice of the Church, “Come let us worship and fall down before Christ!”

_____________________

[1] Worth noting is this quote from Eamon Duffy’s article, “The End of Christendom“: … medieval Christianity had been fundamentally concerned with the creation and maintenance of peace in a violent world. “Christianity” in medieval Europe denoted neither an ideology nor an institution, but a community of believers whose religious ideal—constantly aspired to if seldom attained—was peace and mutual love. The sacraments and sacramentals of the medieval Church were not half-pagan magic, but instruments of the “social miracle,” rituals designed to defuse hostility and create extended networks of fraternity, spiritual “kith and kin,” by reconciling enemies and consolidating the community in charity.

 

About Fr. Stephen Freeman

Fr. Stephen is a retired Archpriest of the Orthodox Church in America, Pastor Emeritus of St. Anne Orthodox Church in Oak Ridge, Tennessee. He is also author of Everywhere Present: Christianity in a One-Storey Universe, and Face to Face: Knowing God Beyond Our Shame, as well as the Glory to God podcast series on Ancient Faith Radio.



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50 responses to “An Audience of None”

  1. Paul Hughes Avatar

    We don’t ever develop knowledge, models, rules, or memories? Don’t react in terms of images or symbols? Don’t run on programs — that is, ingrained repeating habits?

    Intensely dislike mechanistic descriptors — ‘hard-wired’ and all that — but because we’re transcendent to those. Whatever does he mean?

    +

    Great line — ‘Living as a consumer is a covenant with death’

    +

    First thing I noticed in coming to Orthodox service, then around to Orthodoxy was all the movement. It is a kinetic faith.

  2. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Paul,
    I suspect he means that using the imagery of a computer for how human beings work is a mistake. And even when we say “memory” – we’re not exactly saying something that we fully understand. As an old man, I’m increasingly aware of how memory is not really a “fixed” thing, but can alter here and there and be entirely imperceptible as it does so, etc. Even our “habits” and our images and symbols are probably better described in the language of Plato than in the language of modernity’s mavens.

  3. Darrell L Rentsch Avatar
    Darrell L Rentsch

    Well said Father-Thank you.

  4. Michael Bauman Avatar
    Michael Bauman

    I recently had a mild stroke. Two things remain because of it: 1. The fragmentation of my memory and destruction of mind with a great weakening of the self conceit of my mind AND 2.The awakening of my true heart and sense of communion with our Lord.

    I am deeply thankful for the stroke. Despite having less ability to “function” and an increase in bodily pain. Plus a shortened “life expectancy”.

  5. Mark Spurlock Avatar
    Mark Spurlock

    Paul,

    I read everything Epstein said at the link, and it would take more than a comment of reasonable length to explicate, but here’s a part of it: we need to remember that we created metaphors to explain technology in terms of the familiar, rather than the two ever having anything innately to do with one another. Cars use gasoline like the body uses food, for example–except they don’t! (Do cars grow as a result of burning gasoline?)

    Likewise, computers are human constructed artifacts that we borrowed terms like “memory” to help us communicate with each other using concepts already familiar to us, but there is no particularly good reason to refer to computer memory as memory. (For that matter, are computer files *really* anything like files in file cabinets?)

    It’s no more memory than characters printed on a page are memory. It’s is a form of storage, which has evolved from punch cards to magnetic tape to solid state drives. We have back-filled human memory into the computer pigeonhole because we anthropomorphize all machines, and our technology is advancing to the point when can create pretty good simulacra.

    Although we can find many common terms to describe a still life painting and a bowl of fruit, they are essentially disparate things, nothing at all alike except as metaphor.

  6. Michael Bauman Avatar
    Michael Bauman

    Mark, but don’t you think there are good metaphors that work to reveal something of the truth as “God is love”, etc.

    Then there are metaphors that are used to cover the truth and create difficulty such as anthropomorphic words for machines, i.e man made items.

  7. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Michael,
    Metaphors have a deep importance and can be revealing – but can also be misleading on occasion. “To be a Christian one must first become a poet,” St. Porphyrios famously said. But we should never mistake the poem for the thing itself. The “heart” of a poet is always looking for “what lies beneath the words.” I would say the same thing about Scripture.

  8. Mark Spurlock Avatar
    Mark Spurlock

    Michael,

    Yes. As Father Stephen mentions, metaphors can be very revealing. Reading Kallistos Ware first helped me begin to understand the Trinity, but I often go back to Dorothy Sayers’ “The Mind of the Maker” and the concreteness of its metaphors to refresh my thinking when I get lost in all the paradoxes of Divinity and the Eternal.

    In the case of the computer, however, the metaphorical language was to help us understand and learn how computers worked. We went off track (in my opinion) when we reversed the analogy and started using computers to try to understand how the human mind works.

  9. Michael Bauman Avatar
    Michael Bauman

    Mark, there is a deeper way to consider the greatness of the human soul that takes the dichotomy of metaphor even more deeply: myth.

    Studying myth with Joseph Campbell and in early modern dance through my mother and my aunt(who typed Campbell’s manuscripts) opened my heart and mind to approaching God in a mystical manner rather than a limited dogmatism.

    Only in the Orthodox Church have I found the expansive creative belief and mystical communion and a rigorous theology that provides the skeleton necessary to be true and corral my soul into Mercy.

  10. Byron Avatar
    Byron

    Michael, God grant you healing (and long life–or long enough)! Good point about myth, also.

    Father, this is a wonderful article! So much to chew on…. Many thanks!

  11. Michael Bauman Avatar
    Michael Bauman

    Byron, Our Lord God is granting me healing through His Mercy. As Mt 4:17 says: Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand. John 6, the 23rd Psalm, Psalm 50…

    That seems to be fundamental to living as a Christian. If I have offended or bored anyone here: please forgive me.

  12. Ook Avatar
    Ook

    Father,
    You mentioned it is “not unusual to see a child, sitting on the floor, quietly playing with a toy during the service. It is a childlike manner of ‘being present.’”
    Somehow I understand this, but more recently I’ve seen children with tablets and smartphones. Somehow this bothers me in a way that toys don’t, as the light and animation coming from these objects is distracting in a way that toys aren’t, and focuses concentration in a way that toys don’t. Am I just being a grumpy old man?

  13. Dee of St Herman Avatar
    Dee of St Herman

    Ook,
    I second your thought. Perhaps I’m just a grumpy old woman. While I might not necessarily be distracted by someone or a child on their phone, it seems to create a kind of breach in my own mind just seeing such. Perhaps such a sight distracts me while in Liturgy because I know when I see students doing this in a classroom, I’m teaching, they’re not likely to get what they need to learn. Typically, they can’t follow through with an exercise to practice what they have learned.

  14. Dee of St Herman Avatar
    Dee of St Herman

    Father,
    This question may seem to be coming from ‘left field,’ but I’ve recently heard a historian say that baptism is a rite of initiation. Therefore, it seems logical not to baptize a baby but to wait until a person understands what the initiation is about and chooses it for themselves.

    While I haven’t heard the trope (correct word?) you mentioned, “Cafeteria Catholics”, I wonder if such thinking is underlying such thoughts about the purpose of baptism revealed in other confessions? A rite of one’s choosing. I remember you once said that we baptize because we are mortal. Of course, that’s not all that you said, but a significant aspect of life is missing in the words “rite of initiation”. Yet I find it difficult to say what is wrong with such words. Would it be inappropriate to say it is a ‘rite of life in Christ’? Or is it pointless to attempt such a conversation?

  15. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Ook,
    In my parish (where I’ve just been a retired priest), the rule is no phones, no tablets, etc. in use in the Church during the services. I think it’s a good rule and would support that. Our electronic devices (though some being mere toys), create a pattern of distraction that we need to say “no” to.

  16. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Dee,
    A growing number of school distracts that I’m aware of are now banning phones, etc., from classrooms. I think we’ll see more of this. Phones (texting, etc.) in a classroom clearly do not work.

  17. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Dee,
    Holy Baptism can be called a “rite of initiation” in that the word simply means a “beginning.” That we “begin” the Christian life in infancy says much, I think, about how much our humanity transcends information/choice. The rite of initiation in ancient Israel (for males) was circumcision, performed on the 8th day. If you will, the “instruction” for Baptism belongs with the parents and godparents (instructing them how they might do right by a child). Those who oppose infant baptism are not only rejecting Christian tradition, but are also introducing a false understanding about the basis of our life in Christ (in my opinion). But, calling it a “rite of initiation” should not suggest that it be delayed until some supposed “age of discretion.”

  18. Esmée Noelle Covey Avatar
    Esmée Noelle Covey

    In my almost twenty years as an Orthodox Christian, I have been a voracious information consumer. But in the last year, I am finally wanting to spend more time in praying words and less time in studying words. It is a real shift for me and it probably took me way too long to get to this place in my Orthodox life. But more and more, I am drawn to simply praying, especially the Psalms, without thinking and analyzing and engaging my mind intellectually, i.e. more practicing of the Faith and less reading about the Faith.

  19. Ook Avatar
    Ook

    Thank you Dee and Father, I am gratified to learn that, at least in this situation, I am not a grumpy old man.

    @Esmée Noelle Covey, indeed, I get some confused looks when I answer questions with “I don’t know, I don’t study the faith, I just practice it”.

  20. Dee of St Herman Avatar
    Dee of St Herman

    Father,
    Thank you so much for your clarification. I think the idea of choice and the idea that there is a kind of justice/right to choose are deeply embedded in our society, forcing a sort of blindness to our actual circumstances. And if we don’t like our actual circumstances, we should have the latitude to change them, whether or not such change is meaningful or beneficial.

  21. juliania Avatar
    juliania

    “…The Divine Liturgy at its heart, is an exercise in this mode of being. It is not a performance to be watched, but an action in which to be present…”

    As an adult, with children of my own, I came, accidentally it seemed, into the church in which I now am wedded to be. At first, I simply came to sing when my college friend left to have brain surgery. I knew nothing, except how to harmonize, which I dutifully did. In that little church, we all sang, even those who couldn’t, really couldn’t, harmonize. I love the memory of it – everyone’s voice was needed. My children saw me leave for church; they saw me return. One day they asked to come as well. I love that. They wanted to be happy the way that they saw I was. So they came. My oldest son learned to ring the bell. Later, much later, at my daughter’s out of doors wedding ceremony, he rang the bell the way he had learned to do before the liturgy, timing each slow tolling exactly as he had learned as a child. I will never forget it.

    And it was all liturgy. Very rarely our priest was inspired to say a few words. Mostly, it was simply all of us, we few, before God in the ritual. I knew nothing except what I was learning, childlike, in the services, in the feasts, in company with friends. My friend who had brain surgery came back – she was first soprano, and I second. Tapes I’ve listened to don’t capture how it was; I remember that it was glorious.

    Thank you, Father Stephen. What you say here is how it was. I’m unable to be in services, but I take Saint Mary of Egypt as a beacon saint. And my heart is full of the way it was and is. Such a gift!

  22. Matej Avatar
    Matej

    Good day father, I have a question about a paragraph, which has been on my mind for a couple of years.

    (from your text) This is expressed in different ways depending on the culture, but it is not unusual to see a child, sitting on the floor, quietly playing with a toy during the service. It is a childlike manner of “being present.”

    Can we also say that, even though children are maybe not completely attentive to the service, as much as we (adults) would like them to be (the frequent comments “Listen to what the priest is saying”, “be quiet”, “be still”), but in reality that children having the freedom, to sometimes be loud, sometimes want to play, is the natural way that they participate in the Liturgy? It’s the childrens’ way?

  23. Simon Avatar
    Simon

    I had this really bizarre sense today that the universe is something of an illusion or an appearance. As if it would be some other way if deeper realities were some other way. I felt like I wasn’t experiencing reality, but an appearance, like looking at the reflection of the sky in the water. Or imagine you’re seeing waves at the surface of the ocean and things seem turbulent, but the earthquake occurred 30 miles away and two miles under the surface. Any thoughts???

  24. Dee of St Herman Avatar
    Dee of St Herman

    Juliania,
    Beautiful words thank you for sharing.

  25. Dee of St Herman Avatar
    Dee of St Herman

    Apologies for my last comment, which looks a bit confusing. In the last sentence, I should have said that *we think* we should have the latitude…

    Intended meaning: Our thinking in this society is often shaped by an ethos far from the Orthodox Way.

  26. Esmée Noelle Covey Avatar
    Esmée Noelle Covey

    Thank you for the new larger text. It is so much easier to read! I am not sure if you can make the size of the text in the comments larger as well, but that would be great too if possible?

  27. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Matej,
    We tend to want to make children into little adults. I suspect that, had the children been behaving like little adults, in Matt. 19, the disciples would not have been trying to make them stay away. Jesus welcomed them. There can be cultural differences, I think, but kindness to children should be universal.

  28. Michael Bauman Avatar
    Michael Bauman

    Simon, what you experienced is a bit of a Sci-Fi troup common in the 50’s. It led to all types of time travel adventures.

    Other than that so many things happen in our brains….

    Since a part of mine died in a mild stroke, I have been able to communicate with Jesus much better (although I do not recommend that method-I am a hard case).

    What I have begun to learn is the incredible power of rejoicing in His Mercy especially when my aged, sinful/painful body tries to lead me way from Joy.

    Joy is an attribute of God Himself that gradually overcomes sin so that we can say with no sense of hypocrisy: Glory to God for All Things.

  29. Simon Avatar
    Simon

    Michael,

    I’m not insulted by how completely off-the-cuff your assessment seems to be. But, I would encourage you to be more thoughtful. Frankly, here is what I heard you say: “What you experienced (gavel slammed, books closed, court adjourned) is a fictional trope from the 50’s and other than that (i.e., that’s all it is and nothing more) our brains do crazy things (i.e., your perceptions could be delusional). As I said I am not offended. It just seems like you posted the first things that came to mind without much further thought.

  30. Michael Bauman Avatar
    Michael Bauman

    Simon, forgive me. My stroke left me much more garalous than I used to be. I need to shut up!

  31. Simon Avatar
    Simon

    Michael,

    No worries.

    I have a real distrust of my own perceptions. That’s baseline. What I am seeking is feedback that might take the form of a shared experience or perhaps a literature reference that sheds light to what would otherwise be an absurd perception or sensation.

  32. Mark Spurlock Avatar
    Mark Spurlock

    Simon,

    “I had this really bizarre sense today that the universe is something of an illusion or an appearance….I felt like I wasn’t experiencing reality, but an appearance, like looking at the reflection of the sky in the water.”

    I do not have any training in psychiatry, but this description seems like Derealization.

    From Wikipedia: “Derealization is an alteration in the perception of the external world, causing those with the condition to perceive it as unreal, distant, distorted or in other words falsified.”

  33. Simon Avatar
    Simon

    Mark,

    Sounds about right. Thank you for your feedback.

  34. Simon Avatar
    Simon

    Thank you, Mark. I suspected as much. But, I still wonder about the hypothetical idea of the world as symbol. I live my life in the brute-factedness of my day-to-day experience. If I see a tiger loose at the zoo I am not going to ask, “What does that mean?” I will react accordingly. Still, though, I wonder to what extent the whole of it is a symbol of reality rather than reality itself.

  35. Dee of St Herman Avatar
    Dee of St Herman

    Simon,
    I’m not sure I understand your question.

    But if it is of any use to you, I believe there is more under the surface in our reality or rather perhaps it’s better to say there is more under the surface than what we are conditioned to see. I believe there are layers in our reality. And underneath it all we are all deeply connected.

  36. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Simon,
    If it’s nuanced in a particular way, Orthodoxy would say yes to the world as symbol. The nuance is critically important. In our modern use of the term “symbol” we mean something that is less than real – it stands for something else. In the language of the Greek fathers, “symbol” (St. Basil uses the word quite a bit) means something that is the presentation and presence of something deeper, greater, etc., in this world. “Symbol” is the connection between the eternal and the temporal. In that manner, everything in this world is “symbolic.” Sym-bole (two things “thrown together”).

    Our minds work in a “symbolic” fashion. We do not see utterly separate, disconnected points of stuff (chaos). We see order. We see meaning(s). We see things in “groups.” We see connections. There’s an interesting conversation between Jonathan Pageau and Nathan Jacobs that you might find of interest (I did). https://youtu.be/BlB1EkTaxpg?si=84RGKR4-cQ_gO-rc

  37. Bonnie Ivey Avatar
    Bonnie Ivey

    What a wonderful, deep, encapsulation of “Evangelization” is found in Juliana’s post. “My children saw me leave for church; they saw me return. One day they asked to come as well. They wanted to be happy the way they saw I was. And they came.”

  38. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Bonnie,
    We need a “like” button. I like your comment!

  39. Simon Avatar
    Simon

    Thinking about the idea of the world as symbol, I have started thinking about church walls covered in painted icons. The icons make spiritual realities present, but the icons themselves exist only on the surface of the church. The edifice of the church creates a space where icons can make timeless realities “present.” If you were to dig past the iconography and begin chiseling away at the mortar underneath the icons in the wall you might think, “Meh, it’s only mortar and brick.” But, the mortar and brick shape the space on which the icons can realities like the nativity, passion, death and resurrection perceptible. And it is in this sense in which I have been thought of the world as symbol. The icon appears as it does, not because of what it is in itself, but because of a reality to which it refers. At the time, I just had a bizarre sense that this might not only be true of icons, but of the Universe itself. The Universe shapes the space on which spiritual realities are made perceptible. And so I wondered to what extent it might be the case that within the Orthodox frame of thought the appearances of things are not so much brute facts of experience, but how spiritual realities are made perceptible ina world like ours.

  40. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Simon,
    I think what you’re saying has substance – Orthodox substance. We don’t deny the “reality” of what we see, but there is a Greater Reality that is being revealed. You are Simon, but you also are a revelation of the One in whose image you are created.

    “It does not yet appear what we shall be, but we know that when He appears, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is.”

  41. Simon Avatar
    Simon

    My thinking leans in the direction of ontological categories having varying degrees of hypostatic existence. Reality in its fullness is fully hypostatic. To the extent that there is an emptying of hypostatic existence, then there is the emergence of “alpha” ontologies (icons and symbols) pointing toward “omega” ontologies (hypostases). In this sense–if it makes any sense–things that are “symbolic” are proto-hypostatic or nascently hypostatic.

  42. Dee of St Herman Avatar
    Dee of St Herman

    Father,
    Thank you for the link to Jonathan Pageau’s conversation with Nathan Jacobs. I found it very interesting and helpful.

  43. Dee of St Herman Avatar
    Dee of St Herman

    Father,
    Even while I have witnessed miracles, seen evidence of a deeper world, I struggle to maintain a noetic soul. I suppose this is related to the religion of secularism. But it is difficult to always keep the remembrance of God in all situations. I ask for your prayers

  44. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Dee,
    It is our common struggle. I would not say so much about modernity if it didn’t create so many difficulties for us. One of the Desert Fathers said that in the last days, the simple act of believing would require a greater measure of grace than all of the many wonderful deeds of the Fathers. Perhaps it’s a good thing we don’t see how much they admire the little faith that we have. They are a great cloud of witnesses cheering us on. If we only knew!

  45. Michael Bauman Avatar
    Michael Bauman

    Father, my parish has wonderful icons that display a small portion of these helpful witnesses: human and angelic. Over the years there I came to realize how real each is. When I give tours, I always point out that saints are people we can call on for help.

    The Cross forms the structure both foundationally and the upward to the icon of The Panocrator in our dome. So much prayer surrounds us at all times. So much Joy everywhere, but so easy to ignore with all of our bodily pain and daily concerns.

    Yet, if I work at it, they manage to let me know how real they are. Same with the icons in my home.

  46. Dee of St Herman Avatar
    Dee of St Herman

    Dear Father,
    Thank you for your helpful response. I needed it.

  47. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Dee,
    You are most welcome. I lean harder and harder into Divine providence as I grow older. First, it’s easier to see it in the “rear-view mirror” – and, at 70, there’s so much more in the mirror than there was when I was young. But also, it keeps me from trying to grasp at straws – to place my hope in anything other than Christ Crucified.

  48. Simon Avatar
    Simon

    Father Stephen, could you elaborate on what you mean by grasping at straws?

  49. Lawrence Wright Avatar
    Lawrence Wright

    Simon,
    “What I am seeking is feedback that might take the form of a shared experience or perhaps a literature reference that sheds light to what would otherwise be an absurd perception or sensation.”
    What about “Shadows in the Water” by Thomas Traherne? He ponders the truth of his experience, when younger, of that “other world” which he saw reflected in the surface of the water. (I think the “thin Skin” in this last verse is both the surface of the water that divided him from his reflected world, as well as whatever divides our everyday perception from the glories of true Reality.)

    “…, what can it mean?
    But that below the purling Stream
    Some unknown Joys there be
    Laid up in store for me;
    To which I shall, when that thin Skin
    Is broken, be admitted in.”

    I hope this is to the point and that you like the poem. If not, my apologies.
    Thank you for your always interesting comments.

  50. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Simon,
    My “grasping at straws” is sort of a “catch-all” statement – a swipe at my own attempts to imagine an ability to control outcomes, or to imagine that I actually know how things should turn out – sort of the stuff that I often describe as “management.” It mostly just produces a useless anxiety in me – or worse. There’s the addage (originally from a prayer by Niebuhr) “to change the things I can and to accept the things I cannot change.” Part of my rear-view mirror worldview includes the many things I’ve done wrong or failed to do right (those are the ones that bother me most). It is Christ Crucified – God taking into Himself the whole of our lives and our failings and wrongs – and turning them inside-out. No matter what has been done, the Cross is their undoing.

    I’ve had a season of straws, it seems, and I’m working daily to grasp the Cross.

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  1. Simon, My “grasping at straws” is sort of a “catch-all” statement – a swipe at my own attempts to imagine…

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  5. Dear Father, Thank you for your helpful response. I needed it.


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