Of Whom I Am First

england101_editedIn the Divine Liturgy, it is customary for this prayer to be offered by all who are coming to receive communion. I quote a portion:

I believe, O Lord, and I confess that Thou art truly the Christ, the Son of the Living God, Who camest into the world to save sinners, of whom I am first.

Of course the prayer is a reference to St. Paul’s self-definition as the “chief of sinners” (1 Timothy 1:15). It is a confession made by all the faithful, gathered before the Holy Cup, everyone confessing to be the first among sinners. It would be easy to take such a statement as an example of pious excess – overstating the case of our sinfulness. Were that so it would be a travesty within the Liturgy – which exists to lead us into all Truth and to give us the gift of True Life. Such life is not grasped by uttering pious nonsense. Thus, we must accept the confession as actually what it says. How is it that I am the first of sinners?  We could assume that the language is a claim to be worse than all other sinners. But how is a comparison to be made between sin and sin? Some will say that murder is by far worse than stealing or lying – and perhaps take comfort by saying, “At least I’m not a murderer.” But this is only an echo of the prayer of the Pharisee who thanked God that he was “not like other men” particularly the Publican standing nearby (Luke 18:11).

The confession is not an exercise in comparative morality – but an exercise in humility and true contrition before God. Dostoevsky’s famous character, the Elder Zossima, speaks of “each man being guilty of everything and for all.” The mystery of inquity, spoken of in Scripture, is just that – a mystery. Our involvement in sin is itself mysterious. Our culture has made of sin either a moral failing, and thus a legal category, or a psychological problem to be treated as guilt. Both are sad caricatures of the reality and neither image allows us to say, “Of sinners I am first.” Morality would reassure us that we have not done as much as others and would leave us as unjustified Pharisees. Psychology would assuage our guilt by warning us that such feelings are bad for us.

But the Church insists that we stand together with St. Paul and join in his unique confession.

I prefer to understand the prayer in the terms used by the Elder Zossima, whose thoughts are largely derived from St. Tikhon of Zadonsk. My solidarity with every sinner is such that I cannot separate myself as better or in no way responsible for the sins of another. Again words of Elder Zossima:

Remember especially that you cannot be the judge of anyone. For there can be no judge of a criminal on earth until the judge knows that he, too, is a criminal, exactly the same as the one who stands before him, and that he is perhaps most guilty of all for the crime of the one standing before him. When he understands this, then he will be able to be a judge. However mad that may seem, it is true. For if I myself were righteous, perhaps there would be no criminal standing before me now.

Of course, we live in societies where we frequently make distinctions between the good and the bad, the moral and the immoral. And there are truly people who behave in an evil manner that stuns our ability to understand. And yet we share a common life as human beings and every effort to deny its reality pushes us ever further down the road of pride, envy, blame, and every form of hatred.

Thus there is no way forward other than that of forgiveness – and a forgiveness which is in the image of Christ. Christ took upon Himself the sins of the world – indeed, in the raw language of St. Paul:

[God] made Him to be sin who knew no sin, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him (2 Corinthians 5:21).

If we refuse our commonality with the Christ who Himself was “made sin,” then how can we claim our commonality with Him in the righteousness of God? And if we accept that commonality – then with St. Paul we can also confess ourselves “of sinners to be the first.” The forgiveness of God that is given to us is not a forgiveness which made itself aloof or estranged from us, even though He was without sin. How can we who are sinners then set ourselves above other sinners? The way of forgiveness is inherently a way of solidarity.

“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do,” is certainly the word of a gracious God. It is also the cry of a Man who yielded Himself to utter solidarity with us all.

About Fr. Stephen Freeman

Fr. Stephen is a priest of the Orthodox Church in America, Pastor Emeritus of St. Anne Orthodox Church in Oak Ridge, Tennessee. He is also author of Everywhere Present and the Glory to God podcast series.






14 responses to “Of Whom I Am First”

  1. Robert Avatar

    Father, bless.
    Thank you for this. I was first introduced to the wisdom put in the mouth here of Fr. Zosima by G.K. Chesterton’s putting it in the mouth of his Fr. Brown. It was one of the sign posts that pointed me to Orthodoxy.

  2. Eric Pettersson Avatar

    Father Stephen,

    Your mention of communion brought a question to mind. As a Protestant, I have gone to visit Catholic mass several times, where I know I am not allowed to share in the Eucharist, as it is a “closed” communion. I was recently thinking of going to experience the Liturgy at my local OCA congregation. If I were to do so, would I be allowed to partake, or is the Orthodox communion also closed?

  3. Meskerem Eshetu Avatar
    Meskerem Eshetu

    I was really bothered that we take communion without confession and repenting. This somewhat clears my doubt. Thanks for the reminder.

    Also how much judgmental we humans are on like you said, making distinctions between moral and immoral and forget we share life as human beings. Also forget our own sins.

    Thanks again.

  4. Margaret Avatar

    It is so good of you and so necessary for the priests and all leaders of the Divine Liturgy to state the information contained in this posting! It is good for us all, but it is so necessary of our leaders in worship services to remind us all of this. Thank you!

  5. fatherstephen Avatar


    We prefer not to say “closed.” But technically other Christians are in schism from the Orthodox Church, and one cannot enter into communion while in a state of schism. The Eucharist becomes an individual thing instead of the corporate meal as given by Christ.

  6. Victor Avatar

    It once occurred to me that the old adage “there but for the grace of God go I.” can be rather Pharasaical. In light of your posting, Fr. and the truth of our faith it references, might we not rather say “There go I.”?

  7. Michael Bauman Avatar
    Michael Bauman

    Thank you Father. If I might add another way of considering the phrase which comes from Jesus instruction to Peter not to worry about what He has in store for others, just tend to one’s own call. The 50th Psalm also says, “Against thee only have I sinned…” It has begun to dawn on me that the only sins that are important to my salvation are my own. I am the first, indeed the only sinner in a sense.

    I wonder if this is not the heart of being irenic?

  8. Patrick Avatar

    What is the meaning of that phrase in Psalm 50 (Greek scholars around here?)? Based on the RSV, I’ve always taken it to mean against only God have I sinned (that is, all of my sins, regardless of the target, are, in fact, against God). Could it be more that only I have sinned against God?

  9. handmaidleah Avatar

    Fr. Stephen writes: “I believe, O Lord, and I confess that Thou art truly the Christ, the Son of the Living God, Who camest into the world to save sinners, of whom I am first.”

    This might be splitting hairs, but wasn’t Adam the “first”? I was taught (to say this prayer) using the word “chief” because, well technically Adam was the first of sinners… hhhmm, thought provoking. Must be a translation thing.
    What do you think Father??

  10. Bethany LeRoy Avatar
    Bethany LeRoy

    Would it be correct to say that while all sins are equally horrible, all consequences are not? Certain sins have greater consequences than others…are we wrong to enforce these consequences? If all sins are equally bad, should the consequences be equal as well? Or should we, as a society, not give consequences at all, and just leave it for God to judge?

  11. Steve Avatar

    Bethany LeRoy,

    With all due respect, neither you nor society have the authority to remit sins or their consequences.


  12. fatherstephen Avatar

    Sorry, but Christ has given to the Church authority to remit sins. Certainly within the Apostolic priesthood, and probably beyond that. Why else would we be commanded to forgive our enemies? It’s not a legal thing.

  13. Michael Bauman Avatar
    Michael Bauman

    Clearly, Jesus gives specific authority to the Apostles to remit sins and we can assume that all believers have a similar authority by Jesus commandment that we forgive one another and even our enemies. At the very least we can forgive the sins committed against us personally.

    Since historically and ritually the priesthood has always been about lifting the burden of sin, it seems likely in the context of Jesus words to us, that the priesthood of all believers is an office primarily of forgiveness.

    Certainly the authority flows from Jesus life and sacrifice on the Cross, but an integral part of love is genuine forgiveness.

  14. Steve Avatar

    Michael, this is precisely the point – thank you.

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