The Tears of Our Fathers

The first time I saw my father cry was a day of deep tragedy. An aunt, my mother’s oldest sister, had been brutally murdered by a stranger who came into her office off the street. It made no sense. I was nine years old. I opened the door to my father’s bedroom and saw him lying face-down on his bed. The bed shook as he wept. Grief had consumed him. The days that followed would see many tears, along with voices of anger and confusion.

My father lived to be 87 (he was received into the Orthodox Church at age 79). After my Dad’s death, his priest told me: “Your mother was a mystic and your father had the gift of tears.” Indeed, across the years, I saw his tears many times, frequently at the dinner table on those occasions in which he was asked to “return thanks.” His tears were evidence of his heart.

We did not discuss religion to any great extent in my home. We were not taught to pray at bedtime. We attended Church sporadically. I have fond memories of walking down the railroad tracks with my older brother to the small Church about a mile away. It made everything seem like an adventure. My brother tells the story that he was teasing me one Sunday as we walked along. I was carrying my small Bible. He said, “Why are you carrying that Bible? You can’t even read!” He laughs when he recalls my answer. “It doesn’t matter. It’s the word of God!”

The Scriptures are a true sacrament. Indeed, St. Maximos the Confessor describes three “incarnations” of the Logos: as a human being in the God-Man Jesus Christ, in creation itself, and in the Scriptures. It is very strong language to describe how God permeates His creation and has done everything to make our communion with Him possible.

The Coptic monk, Fr. Matta Al-Miskin, once wrote that if we were to take but a single saying of Our Lord and apply it with all of our might and strength, it would become for us the gate to the Kingdom of God. I have pondered the saying, on and off, for nearly 50 years. It goes far to explain the phenomenon of sanctity that is sometimes experienced outside the visible bounds of the Orthodox Church.

I have written and spoken often about my father-in-law, a devout Baptist. He was a living example of this principle. He took the saying, “Give thanks for all things” (in its various versions) as an inviolable law. There were a number of other such examples in his life. But I can say of him that his life answered the question: “What would it look like if I actually practiced this saying?” The result was astounding. Such is the sacramental reality of the Scriptures.

That same small Bible that I carried with me to Church had a frontispiece (picture) in it of Raphael’s Sistine Madonna. That painting was treasured by Dostoevsky. A copy hung over the couch that became his death bed. It was only in my adult years (as an Anglican) that I learned of devotion to the Mother of God. But, she had been with me through all those years just as the Scriptures themselves had been. The Fathers of the Seventh Council declared that “icons do with color what the Scripture does with words.”

That “reflexive principle” (“this does with this what that does with that”) is deeply revealing. Working with words, we tend to become enmeshed in ideas and abstractions. We quickly forget that the One whom we name as the “Word” (Logos) is fully human as well as the Second Person of the Holy Trinity. The Logos has fingers and toes.

In our own lives, it is possible to concentrate on the ideas to the exclusion of all else. There is a genius in the life of the Church. Though the great decisions of the faith often seem to concentrate on the finer points of doctrine (ideas), the true life of the Church is primarily expressed as worship. Orthodoxia is best translated as “right worship.” I have smiled through the years as I have watched toddlers in Church gradually learn to make the sign of the Cross in an Orthodox manner. At first it may be little more than knocking themselves on the head. But you know it’s the sign of the Cross when it’s followed by a kiss (or hug) to an icon. Pre-verbal, children are learning how to worship “by heart.”

My father phoned me during his first experience of Orthodox Great Lent. “Son, they brought out the Cross today,” he explained. “Yes, Dad. It’s the third Sunday of Lent. The Sunday of the Cross.”

“Well, I wanted to get down,” (we make a prostration before the Cross on that day). He went on, “But they had to get me back up.” I strongly suspect that the whole exercise involved tears on his part. But he said nothing about them. Words simply cannot be that eloquent.

It was his gift.

 

 

 

 

 

 

About Fr. Stephen Freeman

Fr. Stephen is a retired Archpriest of the Orthodox Church in America, Pastor Emeritus of St. Anne Orthodox Church in Oak Ridge, Tennessee. He is also author of Everywhere Present: Christianity in a One-Storey Universe, and Face to Face: Knowing God Beyond Our Shame, as well as the Glory to God podcast series on Ancient Faith Radio.



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24 responses to “The Tears of Our Fathers”

  1. Dino Avatar
    Dino

    What beauty!

  2. Janine Avatar
    Janine

    This essay made me smile! 🙂

    I found a crayon drawing I made as a child (ironically it was on the back of a hymn book of the liturgy). It was a lady, the sun, flowers, and a kind of net of color on her head and around her. I once showed it to a therapist as an adult. He (a non-Christian) said, “That almost looks like a veil of protection.” Boom. I know She was watching over me from when I was very little, before I understood much of anything intellectually about the Theotokos. She still mystically appears in my life in ways beyond my grasp

  3. Patricia Avatar
    Patricia

    As a recovering evangelical who was force fed Bible verses ad nauseam, I struggle with finding a place in my Orthodox life for a love of scripture. I love the Church prayers. I love the Church stories about the saints. I gobble up the writings by the Church Fathers. I love my life as an Orthodox Christian. But I struggle to find a place for Bible reading in my life. Can you offer some guidance to get me beyond “right worship” to fully embrace The Word in my life in all its glory?

  4. Margaret Avatar
    Margaret

    Thank you Fr. Stephen

  5. Andrew Avatar
    Andrew

    Thank you for this. I’m currently enrolled in a theological program. It’s good and, I believe, the right thing for me to be doing right now (as guided by my priest). But I feel the struggle of trying to find simplicity amidst the complex ideas, dogma and history we’re working through. I don’t think these things are opposed (though they can certainly become so). Learning how to hold them both in their proper place is, I think, the real education I’m undergoing.

  6. Michael Bauman Avatar
    Michael Bauman

    Father, since I took Mt 4:17 as my scriptural and spiritual principle, many other Scripture has popped out at me often through icons at my parish. As well as Scripture and Sermons.

    I think that illustrates what you are talking about. Much more work to do.

  7. Al Lovecky Avatar
    Al Lovecky

    Thank you Fr. Stephen!!!

  8. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Patricia,
    What you are describing is a sort of “soul-wound” as a result of a form of “abuse.” Sadly, every “sacrament” can be misused rather than properly honored and loved. The Scriptures, in particular, have suffered the most in this regard, I think. I recently made reference to an article I wrote about 10 years back called, Has Your Bible Become a Quran? It’s an exploration of one of the angles that helped create the fetish of Sola Scriptura (“Bible only”) and turned the Scriptures into something they were never intended to be.

    The Scriptures are “the Church’s book.” They belong to the Church (the Holy Orthodox Church). They are properly only read in the context of the Church and in the context of how the Church reads them (and we do best to gain that understanding by listening to how the various services of the Church employ and interpret them). Instead, the Reformation wrenched the Scriptures out of the Church and turned them into something that was now greater than the Church (greater than all of us), and turned them into Law (in many instances) and demanded a sort of fealty or submission (as in Islam).

    Christ never “wrote” anything. The gospels bear witness to Him and the Church accepted the four gospels that we have not because of a perfect record, but because they recognized into those gospels an authentic presentation of the teaching and person of Christ. The same can be said of the Letters. The Old Testament was a “problem” from the beginning. And, though many treat the OT as though Christ is “obviously” prophesied in it, etc., the fact is that even Christ’s own disciples who had been with Him for several years did not understand or see this at first. In Luke 23-24, Christ has to explain the Scriptures to His disciples (after the resurrection).

    “Then He said to them, “These are the words which I spoke to you while I was still with you, that all things must be fulfilled which were written in the Law of Moses and the Prophets and the Psalms concerning Me.”And He opened their understanding, that they might comprehend the Scriptures.”
    (Luke 24:44–45)

    But He had to “open their understanding.”

    So, I would suggest two things. First, pray and ask Christ to begin healing the wound in your soul. Pray for those who misused the Scripture with you, and, to whatever extent possible, forgive them – or at least pray for them that God forgive them.

    Second, pray simply that Christ will “open your understanding” – that is – that He show Himself to you in the Scriptures. It might be that He’s already doing this in the Liturgy. The prayers of St. John Chrysostom or St. Basil, for example, are almost nothing but Scripture being quoted, but its being quoted and used in its proper way and context.

    We all have to work through things like this. I know that I have (and still do). God give us grace!

  9. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Andrew,
    Believe me, I understand. When you study, don’t forget to pray. Ask Christ to use the studies in your life. Be patient. That which is true, even in very complex teachings, is actually still quite simple in my experience. It’s just that we have to dig a bit deeper. It’ll come. The “coins” still drop for me, sometimes decades after I’ve studied something.

  10. Lyra Josefsson Avatar
    Lyra Josefsson

    Axios

  11. Janine Avatar
    Janine

    Fr. Stephen wrote:
    The prayers of St. John Chrysostom or St. Basil, for example, are almost nothing but Scripture being quoted, but its being quoted and used in its proper way and context.

    One of my most favorite prayers is the Prayer Behind the Ambon. My priest used to have us say it with him at the end of liturgy, and I loved it. It’s almost all Scripture, I think.

    “O Lord, Who blesses those who bless You and sanctifies those who put their trust in You, save Your people and bless Your inheritance. Protect the whole body of Your Church. Sanctify those who love the beauty of Your house. Glorify them in return by Your divine power, and forsake us not who have set our hope in You. Grant peace to Your world, to Your churches, to the clergy, to our civic leaders, to the armed forces, and to all Your people. For every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from You, the Father of lights. To You we give glory, thanksgiving, and worship, to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit, now and forever and to the ages of ages.”

  12. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    All,
    The conversation viz. the Scriptures touched my heart deeply. It’s something that goes to the heart of the Orthodox life. The Liturgy (in its earliest form) predates any writing of the New Testament by decades. St. Paul, in his first letter to the Corinthians quotes from the Liturgy in words that are found in almost the exact same pattern and form in Matthew, Mark, and Luke (none of which had been written as of yet). What seems clear to most scholars is that the gospels existed as oral set-pieces long before they were written down – and those oral forms are exceedingly early (within the first decade of the Church).

    St. Justin Martyr, writing in the first half of the 2nd century, gives one of the earliest descriptions of the Divine Liturgy. It follows, in outline form, the pattern that has continued throughout the whole of the Church’s life. He also makes reference to reading “from the memoirs of the apostles which we call gospels.” The Divine Liturgy has continued to be the primary teaching “device” of the Church.

    In my retirement, I spend many hours a day with my wife (still my very best friend). We talk sometimes, but we also have lots of quiet. In the early years of a marriage (I suppose), people may well think or speak of their “relationship.” We don’t do that so much, other than to occasionally reflect on the years we have shared. These hours of the day and night are the “liturgy” of our marriage.

    I suspect that when we think of “praying without ceasing” we are speaking of the “liturgy of our life in Christ.” It is simply a way of spending the hours with Him and in Him. We are troubled sometimes by various thoughts and events – and they can shake us to the core. But the “liturgy” continues.

    It is interesting to me that my faith in Christ had one of its earliest beginnings in that year when I saw my father shaking in tears and weeping over the murder of my aunt. A few months later, another aunt died of Lupus. Also, a few months later, President Kennedy was shot and the world came to a stop for several days. There was a lot of death in a short space of time that was shattering my life as a 9-10 year-old. I came to the conclusion in that year that either there was a God or there was no meaning in anything. I’ve later joked that I became a 9 year-old Dostoevsky. I accepted God. I did not accept an explanation – only that there was meaning and it was God.

    Church was not much as liturgies go – indeed, it was almost “anti-liturgy.” By age 13 I quit – though I didn’t reject God. At age 15, I saw a Liturgy for the first time (Anglican). That revealed God, or carried the presence of God, in a manner that nothing before ever had.

    I’ve had all kinds of ups and downs over the years – things that rattled me and tried to drag me off-track. That early decision at age 9-10 has held up – with lots of “meat on its bones”. I find deep resonance in the affirmation that concludes most services in the Orthodox Church: “For He is a good God and loves mankind.” That is a phrase that sums up the Cross – it is Pascha.

    St. Sophrony famously spoke of “standing at the edge of the abyss.” That describes my experience as a 9 year-old. I do not deny the abyss. Christ leads us there from the Garden to the Cross. The Church’s liturgy takes us there in graphic form each year in Holy Week. I think the texts of Holy Week make the greatest basis for understanding the Scriptures. As St. Sophrony suggests – stand at the edge of the abyss until you can take no more, then step back and have a cup of tea. This morning, mind is coffee…American as I am.

  13. Margaret Avatar
    Margaret

    Fr. Stephen, Thank you for taking the time to write this comment here on October 15, 2024.

  14. Cainnech Avatar
    Cainnech

    Fr. Stephen,

    Thank you for this post and for your very helpful replies to the comments about the Scriptures and Liturgy.

    I am wondering if your father ever seemed “embarrassed” about his tears? I know that there is no reason to feel that way, yet it is a common reaction that probably involves a sense of shame as you explain in your book. The reason I ask is that I cry easily but try to avoid crying in public, probably related to shame. Is there anything you might say about this?

  15. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Cainnech,
    I do not recall my father seeming embarrassed about his tears – though I hadn’t thought about it before. Many people are quite shy in that regard. I think the nature of the reaction (and it is “shame” related) is that it is a public display of vulnerability. In many ways, that’s the very heart of shame. “We heard you walking in the garden and we hid because we were naked.”

    There’s nothing wrong with that kind of shyness, I think. But, being able to weep is extremely healthy. Many men (myself included) find it very hard to weep. It also means that it’s difficult to access the heart. Fr. Zacharias of Essex once said to me that on the Holy Mountain, if a monk was grumpy in the morning, they would say of him, “He didn’t weep enough last night.”

    The Fathers said that tears were “a second Baptism.”

  16. Michael Bauman Avatar
    Michael Bauman

    Well, My father was an emotionally manipulative man with deep anger issues. Physically intimidating because he wrestled at the dominate college program. Oklahoma State
    .
    In his fits of anger, he would be physically abusive to my mother, a lythe dancer of 5’3″

    My father had a genius level IQ and had a vision for public health that was not widely shared and effectively disappeared when he retired.
    .
    Quite a mixed bag with my Dad who has no belief in a personal God. Not surprising I came to the Orthodox Church through Mary, the Theotokos. I knew I was going to become Orthodox when I encountered her in the icon, More Spacious Than the Heavens.

    My family and I stayed despite having an abusive priest.

    Through Mary, I met her Son and experience the Holy Divine Liturgy and the other Sacraments. My contact with Holy Scripture has been in that context alone. Substantial, but indirect.

    The glory and beauty and personal contact through the icons at my parish are still primary.

    Yet it is one specific Scripture that is putting all into a deeper, broader context: Matthew 4:17 “Repent for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.”

    Forgive me, a sinner.

  17. Cainnech Avatar
    Cainnech

    Thank you, Father, that’s very helpful!

  18. Sharon Avatar
    Sharon

    Fr. Bless!

    All that I “hear” in this essay is a simple and pure love between you and your father, and I see that love between you and your grandson in the accompanying photo, and it is enough.

    Thank you for sharing.

  19. Dee of St Herman Avatar
    Dee of St Herman

    Dear Father,
    As a person who is still a child in Christ, one who needs to learn a lot, I have reflected on your words in the article and in your beautiful comment. I have memories that go back to when I was very young. And I remember that even when I was very young, I was able to discern who was a grown-up and who wasn’t, even when both seemed “big” to me.

    I’m so grateful for your blog because the articles you write are small pieces of meat that are sufficient for the children of Christ to chew on. They are nutritious meat and not the cotton candy of philosophers. Thank you, dear Father, and please forgive me for my outspokenness.

  20. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Dee,
    Your comments – including the “outspokenness” (which is no more than honesty) – are always a balm to my soul. Such joy.

  21. Janette Adelle Reget Avatar
    Janette Adelle Reget

    I often reflect on the words of Julian of Norwich. “All shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.” When I recall these words, things seem to fall into place, and my anxiety is less.

  22. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Janette,
    Indeed. I take comfort in her words. She also (as part of that) had a profound vision of Christ Crucified. All will be well because Christ has taken all suffering into Himself.

  23. Michael Bauman Avatar
    Michael Bauman

    Father, is not Confession one way of entering into Christ Crucified, or do I have it wrong?

  24. Janine Avatar
    Janine

    Father, you wrote:
    All will be well because Christ has taken all suffering into Himself.

    Do you mean by this that He has transfigured (and so healed) our suffering? Or is there more which I do not fully understand? Could you elaborate more? Thank you.

    Dee I would like to second Father’s comment.

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