Again and Again

I was visiting a hospice patient back around 2000. The home was quite modest as was the woman who was the subject of my visit. We had conversations that ranged over her life and her family – the things that mattered most for her in her last days. The climax of our time together came when she pulled out her heavily worn Bible (King James) to show me something. “I’ve read it 96 times, from cover to cover.” She had a page where she had tallied her reading across the years. She was at least a decade shy of 96. It had been the work of a lifetime – a way of dwelling with God.

I recently posted a couple of questions on Facebook: What book have you read more times than any other? How many times would you estimate? The answers were interesting. Children’s literature (Chronicles of Narnia) were popular. Tolkien’s trilogy was there. Jane Austen novels (among my wife’s favorites), and many others (including the Scriptures). My own candidate was The Way of a Pilgrim, which I’ve read at least 10 times. The topic holds interest for me for what I did not ask: Why would you read something that many times?

Having reflected on this, I will suggest a possibility: repetitive reading is somewhat akin to a liturgical action. I have “read” the Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom thousands of times. Those who attend the Divine Liturgy hear the same thing every Sunday with very few variations. It is a “common reading” that has taken place for centuries.

When we read a book repetitively, it is obvious that we are not looking for information. There are no surprises waiting for us. We always know how the story ends. There is, however, something about the story, something within the reading experience, that is not only worth repeating, but doing so again and again. When someone reports that they have listened (yes, I count audio books within this experience) to the Lord of the Rings over 50 times, it is worth asking, “Why?”

Some years back, a prospective seminarian and I were meeting with our Archbishop. The candidate asked what he should be reading in preparation for seminary. The Archbishop’s answer brought a world of understanding with it: “Don’t read theology. Read good literature.” Which, of course, begs the question, “What constitutes good literature.” I have come to think that good literature, at the very least, consists of books that you would read more than twice.

How is such a reading experience (apart from the repetitions) similar to the Liturgy? I would suggest that both contain the phenomenon of communion – the Divine Liturgy in particular. In such literature, there is something about the story, the characters, the period or situation that becomes a place in which you have a shared experience. In listening to The Lord of the Rings 50 times, surely there is an aspect of sharing in the saga of the Ring. A haunting aspect of such communion, of course, is that we are encountering fiction.

I can almost imagine a work of fiction that has no relationship to the world as we know it. I say, I can almost imagine it, but for a work to make any sense at all, it must have some relation to the world of sense. I have seen books whose deviation from sense was so marked, however, that they went on the rubbish heap of books that are a waste of time. Good literature, to my mind, is related to becoming a good human being. That might well include lessons on what not to become.

Timothy Patitsas draws attention to Jonathan Shay’s work, Achilles in Vietnam. Shay did pioneering work on PTSD with soldiers returning from the Vietnam War. One of his suggestions was an interesting treatment of the ancient Greek poem, the Iliad. He suggested that its ancient public recitation served as a liturgy, a public work of healing the trauma of war (a constant presence in ancient Greece). Of course, as our culture has shifted and changed, public liturgies have become more and more rare. In general, our public liturgies are centered around entertainment. How well will a civilization function that is largely driven by feel-good hormones. Football is clearly a public liturgy. Its narrative, however, is thin gruel for the meaning of life.

For some, the most common “liturgies” in life are constituted by gaming. It is a new, ersatz form of literature. Even good literature can become a way to doom-scroll into the empty world of listlessness (acedia). Boredom is, perhaps, the foundational sin of modernity. (footnote).  To press deeper into boredom risks hollowing out the soul.

The cure (or antidote) for boredom is worship – engaging in the most essential human activity of them all. Boredom is a symptom that we have become estranged from our true selves as well as from the purpose of our existence. In the Roman Empire, cities of note all had arenas (coliseums) where the local population enjoyed games, at someone else’s expense. By the same token, the lower rung of the population was also entitled to bread at the city’s expense. This two-fold reality is the origin of the phrase “bread and circuses,” a description that captures the heart of an empire rotting at its core. And lest we Orthodox consider ourselves to be somehow immune to this history, we do well to remember that it was under the Emperor Justinian (St. Justinian) that the population of Constantinople, stirred by political issues and sports rivalries, rose up in riots that destroyed the first Hagia Sophia, and nearly killed the emperor himself. His police action to suppress the riots resulted in an estimated 30,000 people being put to death. Boredom (acedia) has always been dangerous.

The heart of worship is the offering of praise and thanksgiving to the God who has given us life and sustains all things in their existence. It is Christ Jesus who has made Him known, and reconciled us to Him in His own death and resurrection. Our inward resurrection begins with a heart that gives thanks (always and for all things). In that action, the beauty and purpose of all creation is made known to us. In worship (as we behold Christ face-to-face) we are transformed into His image, becoming what we were (and are) created to be.

In the “literature” of the Liturgy, we are presented, in the context of hymns of thanksgiving, the story of our creation, redemption, and eternal destiny. Even deeper than the story is the mystical reality of which we become partakers. The voice of thanksgiving is the sound of love in its fullest expression. We speak of it to one another in the generosity of spirit that is human interchange in its highest form.

I hear echoes of this same thanksgiving in the “songs” of good literature. Perhaps, like children, we call out, “Sing it again!”, never tiring of the echoes of transcendence that touch the soul.

The dear soul whom I knew as a hospice patient concluded our visit one day with a prayer. She was making her way through the 97th reading of the Bible. I tended to keep my prayers brief, respecting the exhaustion that accompanies dying. Despite her advanced COPD, she prayed for nearly 20 minutes, finishing with a whispered effort to complete the last sentence.

I said, “Sister, that was a powerful prayer!” She managed enough breath to respond, “You can’t pray too much…”

Indeed.

 

About Fr. Stephen Freeman

Fr. Stephen is a retired Archpriest of the Orthodox Church in America. He is also author of Everywhere Present: Christianity in a One-Storey Universe, and Face to Face: Knowing God Beyond Our Shame, as well as the Glory to God podcast series on Ancient Faith Radio.



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54 responses to “Again and Again”

  1. Paul Hughes Avatar

    ‘There are no little prayers.’ Eugene Peterson

    [Doesn’t ‘beg’ the question, a formal fallacy, but perhaps it begets the question … ; ) ]

  2. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Paul,
    Some few times I’ve offered a “short” prayer that is still echoing…years later…which makes it a very “long” prayer.

  3. Dave Danglis Avatar
    Dave Danglis

    “Sing it again!” You’ve brought to mind a passage from Chesterton (The Everlasting Man and Orthodoxy are two books I’ve read repeatedly). He writes about God being “younger” than us, therefore He is able to tell the sun to “do it again” by rising day after day. This helped me to appreciate the Orthodox Liturgy a little more, since I struggle with paying attention and being fidgety.

  4. Fr Mark Avatar

    This is good stuff Father. I think for me there is also something about how an oft visited book seems to change over time and offer up new treasures. I expect that it’s me who’s changing, or at least getting older! The Lord of the Rings, for example, seems almost bottomless at times – I was, like all small boys, captured by the drama, the battles, the fantastic setting and now at 60 years old by the small acts of love and mercy, the poignant memories of home in dark times.

  5. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Fr. Mark,
    A treasured memory for me is my first reading of Tolkien. An aunt, who was a college professor, gave the full set to me as a Christmas gift with the simple statement that a “number of her students seemed to like these.” I ignored them for months. A grace-filled Spring brought me a flu with some serious convalescence time. I read them through, without interruption, spending weeks in adventures across Middle Earth. I had never heard of these books and knew no one who had read them. They were something of a private treasure until sometime in college. Even then, they enjoyed a life only shared by those who read. I’ve read them numerous times – but never with the wonder of that magical first time.

  6. OlyaBasilievna Avatar
    OlyaBasilievna

    I bow in prayer with gratitude to God & all who are blessed to show us & guide us to transform our sinful life into His Truth and His Love!

  7. Byron Henderson Avatar
    Byron Henderson

    I think that we return to stories for their beauty. Great writing inspires the soul as much as great storytelling and great stories (all are things of beauty). I don’t so much take part with the characters of the Lord of the Rings, as much as I marvel at their generosity and love for one another. I think imagination, directed towards something wonderful, is so breathtaking and uplifting. How could we not return? And the reality of the Divine Liturgy is even more….

    Sadly, I think there is a match of sorts in things dark and disturbing. Their very ugliness can beckon us to return to them as well. Like a tragedy from which we cannot avert our gaze. Addiction is like that; so difficult to break away from.

  8. Dee of St Herman Avatar
    Dee of St Herman

    As you say , Father, I think good literature allows us to hear the voice of God, although we might not be aware of Providence at work. I appreciate the words of the Archbishop!

  9. Dee of St Herman Avatar
    Dee of St Herman

    I believe my living in Orthodox Christianity was enriched by reading Laurus and watching the Russian film, “The Island”.

  10. Matthew Avatar
    Matthew

    The Island made me question the goodness of Orthodoxy.

  11. Jonathan Skeet Avatar
    Jonathan Skeet

    That Hideous Strength by CS Lewis is one that I’ve read very often over several decades.

  12. Esmée Noelle Covey Avatar
    Esmée Noelle Covey

    Father, this might be my most favorite of all the articles you have ever offered us. As someone who has read voraciously my whole life, and who has revisited many of my favorite books again and again over the years, I find your insights as to the possible higher spiritual value of doing this to be both brilliant and comforting. Thank you!

  13. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Matthew,
    I don’t understand. It’s a great film.

  14. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Dee,
    Both that film, as well as Laurus, are unintelligible apart from Orthodox (I think). But, they are both brilliant and truly favorites of mine. Of course, both of them presume some familiarity with the notion of the “holy fool,” which is alien to lots of Christians.

  15. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Esmée,
    Glad you liked it!

  16. Matthew Avatar
    Matthew

    Anatoly seemed to have carried extreme guilt up until his death. His fellow monks and brothers seemed to have allowed his penance and repentance to go on much too long. I saw little love, compassion or mercy in the film. Maybe I need to watch it again with cliff notes.

  17. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Matthew,
    It is a very Russian film (as well as being Orthodox), with a deep dive into the notion of the holy fool. There are three main characters: Anatoly, who is a fool whose antics also serve as cover for his holiness (which is miracle working). His response to his cowardice (that he thought had cost a friend his life) is not so much guilt (in the legal sense). It’s very much ontological. He prays like it matters. The second character is the abbot, who is always generous to Fr. Anatoly and recognizes that Fr. Anatoly is holy – but whose own love of comfort and honor stands in the way of true asceticism. The third character is the priest (forget his name) who constantly judges Fr. Anatoly and is upset by him. His a rigid soul who needs to learn how to love – he learns that in the death of Fr. Anatoly. It’s a beautiful film.

    I don’t know if you’ve read Laurus. It’s a brilliant book, again, very Russian (maybe one of the best works since Dostoevsky). It’s deeply steeped in the notion of the holy fool. Many of the story-lines are borrowed from actual lives of various holy fools – which was a strong reality in Russian Orthodoxy. Holy fools are found across the Orthodox world – but seemed to have “flourished” somewhat in Russia.

    In my book on shame, I suggest that the holy fools are almost the ideal example of Orthodox spirituality – in that they are champions of humility (in over-the-top, extreme form). They are saints drawn with crayons.

    If you look for them in the West, they can be found. St. Francis’s group of immediate disciples had a holy fool (trying to remember his name). Francis himself was a bit of a fool.

  18. Esmée Noelle Covey Avatar
    Esmée Noelle Covey

    I just finished listening to The Brothers Karamazov through Audible and besides thinking it was NEVER going to end, Lol, I also kept wonder how anyone who WASN’T Orthodox could possibly understand what this book is all about. And finally, in spite of the marathon effort it required for me to get through it the first time around, I also felt like I needed to re-read it immediately and then many more times thereafter to really plumb the richness this story offers us.

  19. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Esmée,
    Translations can be important as well. For myself, I’ve come to prefer the Volokhonsky & Pevear translation. Example – they’re the only one who, in the famous scene with Alyosha and the children, translates “Memory eternal!” properly. One of the translations has it, “Oh yes, we will remember!” which makes me think that the translator had never set foot inside an Orthodox Church. It totally distorted the story!

    My own books have been translated (Russian, Romanian, and perhaps some others). I don’t think I have anything all that crucial, but I do wonder…

  20. Esmée Noelle Covey Avatar
    Esmée Noelle Covey

    Yes, absolutely true, and that was the translation I chose after reading many reviews. Thanks for the confirmation!

  21. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Their translations are very sensitive to Church language.

  22. Jeanie Murphy Avatar
    Jeanie Murphy

    Elizabeth Goudge saved my life in dark times and was a stepping stone to Orthodoxy.

    Many have commented on how childhood reading is probably the most important or at least the deepest reading we ever do. Narnia and George MacDonald and then LOTR when I was 10 (and had to ask permission to take it out of the adult section of the library) were formative for me and my brother. Later, he brought me and my husband to Orthodoxy. It was a golden chain. It’s so important to give children books and read with them, especially in these days of other technologies that do not leave time for reflection.

    The problem of “escape,” however, is a thorny one. I notice that when I do this as an adult, it’s often like junk food, a restless and low quality consumption. That’s my warning!

  23. Andrew Avatar
    Andrew

    Having missed the original poll, the book that came to mind was “The Orthodox Way” by Met. Kallistos Ware. It’s a short work, but beautiful. It’s not lofty or dense theology a la St. Maximos the Confessor or St. Gregory Palamas, but it was the first book about Orthodoxy I ever encountered and for a desperate and thirsty Evangelical soul, stumbling around the morass of the emergent church movement, it was light in the darkness and fresh, sweet, clean water to a parched soul. It was the catalyst that eventually led me into the Church. May Metropolitan Kallistos’ memory be eternal!

  24. Kenneth Avatar
    Kenneth

    By the way, the translator Larissa Volokhonsky attended St Vladimir’s Seminary in NY where her professors included Schmemann and Meyendorff. Her husband and collaborator Richard Pevear is also Orthodox.

  25. Esmée Noelle Covey Avatar
    Esmée Noelle Covey

    Fascinating, thanks Kenneth!

    Audible is having a big sale right now, so I just bought their translations of The Idiot and Crime and Punishment.

  26. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Kenneth,
    I thought there was such a connection but could not remember the details. Thanks!

  27. Eric N Dunn Avatar
    Eric N Dunn

    You captured so much reality, it was hard to hold. I’ll have to read it over and over to hold onto those truths.

  28. Chas morris Avatar

    That essay is a thing of beauty. Like the Divine liturgy full of layers and layers of wisdom beauty and beautiful humaness. Like great literature the final passage comes alive and resonates forever and ever. Glory to God indeed

  29. Matthew W Avatar
    Matthew W

    I second the Orthodox Way. People kept recommending the other book, the Orthodox Church to me. I read it later, but couldn’t see the draw.

    The Orthodox Way presented God and my place in relation to him in a way that I absolutely needed to hear.

  30. Michael Bauman Avatar
    Michael Bauman

    The best book is William Faulkner’s “The Sound and the Fury” is my favorite especially section 3.

  31. Ook Avatar
    Ook

    As a teenager, The Master and Margarita (Bulgakov) affected me in profoundly, with the combination of very entertaining humor and a completely unexpected treatment of Pilate, who until then had been described to me in ways that bordered on caricature. I wonder if I can say it made me realize that there is communion even with historical figures such as Pilate.
    I also read several of the works of Antoine de Saint-Exupéry over and over again as a young man, but recently when I came across Citadelle (The Wisdom of the Sands), I ran into difficulty, which I blamed on my recent over-exposure to cell phones.

  32. Kenneth Avatar
    Kenneth

    Matthew W, interesting thoughts about The Orthodox Way and The Orthodox Church. Interestingly, I had the opposite experience. The first book I read about Orthodoxy was The Orthodox Church. I read it straight through twice and already knew I would need to become Orthodox. Much later I read The Orthodox Way and, though a great book, it didn’t have quite the same impact.

    The most momentous influences on my path to Orthodoxy were The Orthodox Church by Bishop Kallistos Ware, The River of Fire by Kalomiros, and of course mainly this blog by Fr. Stephen (a steady and formative presence now for many years – thank you Fr. Stephen!).

    As for books to read again and again, I would say the 4 Gospels and the Psalms. I hope to dwell with them deep in my heart forever.

  33. Kenneth Avatar
    Kenneth

    Regarding those books, it of course depends on which book we might encounter at a key moment in our life. God can save us even from a fox crossing the road (as one of the saints said). Thank God that Bishop Kallistos wrote such wonderful books. When I first read The Orthodox Church, I was struck by the irenic quality that was clearly from the heart of a true practitioner.

  34. Dee of St Herman Avatar
    Dee of St Herman

    Father and Matthew,
    The Island definitely demonstrates Orthodox ethos.

    Near the end of the story Anatoli tells another monk who had complained of Anatoli’a dirtiness in coal dust that Anatoli is going to die. The monk makes him a beautiful wood casket but Anatoli says it’s too good for him. At this point the other monk now wants very much to please Anatoli and smears it with coal dust. Up to that point the other monk was critical of Anatoli, now he desperately wants to please him.

    For each character who interacts with Anatoli, through such interactions become saved or released from each of their particular sins. They come to repentance. Not being told to repent but through their life interactions with him. This is pure Orthodoxy— not a western way of “evangelism”.

    Pure Beauty

  35. Dee of St Herman Avatar
    Dee of St Herman

    I’ll add one more interesting twist to the story of the Island. My husband and I were watching it together very early in my catechism to Orthodoxy. He’s not atheist but is likely agnostic. As he watch the film he asked me questions, where I explained the role of the Holy Fool. Unexpectedly at the end of the movie he said he thought Orthodoxy is the ‘real deal’ and even entertained the idea of building a small chapel with onion dome on our farm. It didn’t happen for various reasons. But it impressed me not only how well the movie portrayed Orthodoxy but how it could even reach an agnostic heart. He mellowed about my conversion after that.

  36. Matthew Avatar
    Matthew

    Thanks so much Fr. Stephen and Dee for your thoughts about The Island. I´m still failing to see and understand the beauty in it, but I desperately want to. Can you help me some more please?

    Dee said:

    “For each character who interacts with Anatoli, through such interactions become saved or released from each of their particular sins.” …. and Anatoly? What about his release and salvation? He seemed miserable most of the movie.

  37. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Matthew,
    Your observation: “He seemed miserable most of the movie” misses a lot, and misunderstands what is going on (forgive me). There is an outward gruffness that is his humility – he pretends not to be Fr. Anatoly when outsiders come seeking miracles. But his tender compassion and even joy is revealed as he deals with the young woman who wants a blessing for an abortion. The film, in following him, shows both the inner and outer parts of his life.

    Holy Foolery – in many or most cases is a practice that seeks to hide the holy life of an individual. (Note that when he visibly weeps, he has rowed out to an isolated island – the other monks and people are not allowed to witness this compunction).

    There’s his misbehaving in the chapel (not facing the right direction), but then, in private, we see him quietly leaving the messiness of the coal furnace room, and entering a very clean room where his icon corner is. He reverently begins the Trisagion prayers. It’s an image of the outer (messiness) versus the inner (the clean ordliness of his prayer life).

    He weeps when he prays (which is actually enjoined on all of us). But, I think you were seeing this in Hollywood-style as an indication of being miserable. It’s an indication, instead, of a broken heart in the presence of God. He prays to be forgiven of his sins, not as an exercise in guilt-remission – praying in order to feel better, but ontological – he weeps in his brokenness.

    He thinks he has been responsible for the death of his ship’s captain back in the war. So, he prays for the soul of his captain. He weeps. What we see in the film is not misery, but true prayer.

    When the ship’s captain turns out to be alive, you can see the joy within him. It is a gift from God, but it doesn’t change how he behaves. His confrontation with the demons on the small island (the exorcism) is the fruit of his holiness.

    Those are just a few thoughts. Hope they’re helpful. You might want to rewatch it. Back in the day, I would watch the film with catechumens, do some commentary and have discussion. It was an exercise in “getting a feel” for certain aspects of the Orthodox mind that are often quite foreign to our culture.

    I don’t think we see a release and salvation story in the film. We see a particular prayer answered in an unexpected way (the ship’s captain is alive). We see a saint’s death – not that he had feared it through the years.

    I saw in Fr. Anatoly an amazing depiction of a Russian Holy Fool (quite Russian in style). It’s not the story of Fr. Anatoly’s salvation – but of the salvation of the world around him. It’s the story of a life-in-repentance (which is never really a one-off as in the West many times). It’s not the story of doubt versus faith (a favorite trope in the West). It’s a depiction of something that is quite strange, even alien to our experience.

    I think for me, that the film, The Island, was a bit like seeing the heart of a Dostoevsky novel in an hour-and-a-half movie. The storyline doesn’t go from his rescue from the explosion in the war and then give us his gradual daily life among the monks. It leaps from that terrible incident to his late years – he’s seen as a miracle-working Holy Elder by visitors to the monastery. So, it’s not a development story. It’s a Holy Fool story.

  38. Matthew Avatar
    Matthew

    Thanks so much Fr. Stephen.

    You said:

    “It’s not the story of Fr. Anatoly’s salvation – but of the salvation of the world around him. It’s the story of a life-in-repentance (which is never really a one-off as in the West many times). It’s not the story of doubt versus faith (a favorite trope in the West). It’s a depiction of something that is quite strange, even alien to our experience.”

    This says a lot. It´s probably why I didn´t really understand the film nor absorbed the beauty you and Dee did. I am very much an Orthodox in spirit work in progress ….

  39. Jenny Avatar
    Jenny

    Father,

    I’ve been reading the Gospels over and over- well, not reading them, but listening to a chapter a night on my Bible app. Sometimes, at the end of St. John’s Gospel, the first few verses of Acts begins before I redirect the app.

    St. Luke’s voice is so attractive in its well ordered love that I almost go on to listen to the rest of the book, but I keep returning to St. Matthew to begin again.

    Because of my religious upbringing, there was a long time where I could not read the Scriptures at all without it being a lash for my soul.

    When I first tried to read it again, I also started in St. John. I read it in the Message version, which was so atypical from my upbringing that it was able to lift my mind into a fresh understanding.

    Then I read it in the Amplified version, and for the first time, I began to realize that faith did not mean the acquiring and retaining of perfect mental understanding about God and what He required.

    Because, in the Amplified version, every time the word faith was used in the text, it would be followed by three of four phrases, usually something like this- “…and believes and trusts in and clings to and relies on Him…”

    Over and over, I would read the word faith, followed by those phrases, and the terrible grip of despair, dread and listlessness in me would lessen.

    Because I thought, “I can do that!” I could not understand anything much and I had always failed trying to do anything else as a Christian, but I could put my whole trust in Jesus, and He would know what to do and how to do it. Just like those old fashioned, ring shaped life preservers. Once you are inside, it holds you up and you get towed in to safety.

    When I first started reading, I saw the Lord most clearly in St. John’s Gospel, and He was the most difficult to understand in the other three.

    Now it is the opposite. I begin to see the Lord increasingly clearly in the first three because of the slight changes in the Gospel accounts. It is like looking at the same events from three different angles, and the Lord becomes slowly but increasingly revealed in this way.

    However, St John is beyond me. Unsurprisingly. He is so beyond me that I cannot tell how he saw what he saw, or heard what he heard. He is looking through a lens that I cannot see, let alone reach to look through.

    But I will keep reading. Each time I finish the first three, I always hope my understanding of the fourth will increase. So far I remain bewildered, but oh well. It’s beautiful regardless.

    I’ve also read Jane Austin’s novels over and over again. Those characters have such self control, and they have little control over anything else. They must hold themselves still, even when their hearts are breaking from love and longing. Within the small sphere of their agency, they move with grace. Every small thing matters. I admire that.

  40. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Matthew,
    …as are we all. I will say that my years as an Anglican priest were also years that I was reading and contemplating Orthodox thought and theology…I think I must have been quite an odd-bird as Anglican priests go. My godfather said that I was an “out-of-place-Orthodox” needing to come home.

  41. Dee of St Herman Avatar
    Dee of St Herman

    If I recall correctly, Anatoli revealed that he had knowledge of his sainthood (miracles and noetic sight) but said to the Abbott that he was too much of a sinner to be tonsured as a monk. This wasn’t false modesty but reveals how he saw himself. This also reveals the difference between Orthodoxy and western perceptions of sainthood. Orthodox saints do not see in themselves perfection. And in most cases they are not perfect. They are real people, earthen vessels. But reveal the grace of God by their lives and the effect of their lives on others.

  42. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Jenny,
    My wife and I have had some fruitful and interesting conversations about Jane Austen. I’ve not read the novels, but I’ve watched the movies (together with my wife). We have favorites, and she has some that she just dislikes strongly. But they are an interesting snapshot of a small slice of English society in a particular period. The women are characters with very little control over their lives. And though we fantasize that men have more control (a sort of popular feminist myth), they have little control over most things. What can be controlled are the very things the women in Austen can control: kindness, generosity of spirit, gratitude, hope even in misfortune, etc. Why do we like Mr. Bingley so quickly while needing to warm up to Mr. Darcy (just as Elizabeth does)? He is generous with his affection, etc., whereas Darcy is not. Pride and prejudice are both sins – and both must be saved. Our conversations viz. Jane Austen have been interesting to me. I think one of the better things to have happened in my life is that I now find it interesting and important to ask my wife what she thinks and why – I learn a lot that way. She’s the actual literature major in the family.

    As to the gospels – there’s certainly lots of mystery and wonder in the inner workings of our souls. I have loved the gospel of John since my teen years, never tiring of it. It is a gospel that, in words, looks a lot like my favorite icon of Christ (the Rublev Savior), or so it seems to me. But all of the gospels are treasures.

    The practice in Holy Week, in the parishes where I served, was to read aloud each of the 4 gospels in its entirety on the mornings of Holy Week. It’s a 2-3 hour span. One of the deeper tragedies of our lives are when the gospels or anything in the Scriptures are taken up and misused by bad theology and such. I have occasionally had catechumens whom I thought might need to become atheists before they became Orthodox, just to unlearn so many things. But, God is more generous than that – not destroying the world – but renewing it.

  43. Dee of St Herman Avatar
    Dee of St Herman

    Jenny,
    The Gospel of St John is indeed different from the other Gospels. St John is called the theologian because it seems (to me) he is speaking of God Incarnate through discourse that in the first verses reads like heart-seeing prayer rather than historical or analytical description. We’re more accustomed (we’re taught) to read in the later forms rather than in the former.

    It may seem odd to say this, but ‘reading’ a chemistry textbook very early in my development as a chemist had a similar effect. I didn’t get it. Not because the words themselves were difficult but the phenomena they pointed to required another kind of reading. Again this might seem odd, especially because I wasn’t Christian at the time, but I believed in God and was trained in Judaic studies, and this background (and my Seminole upbringing) allowed me to take a different approach to reading. I changed my approach and attempted the reading in prayer, and the process of comprehension changed. Chemistry became less boring or obtuse and became more like a mystery that beckoned me down and in. Eventually what I came to learn was, and continues to be, beautifully expressed in the Gospels.

  44. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Dee,
    There’s a bit more subtlety in the tonsuring. He’s already a tonsured monk (hence the name, “Father” Anatoly). In Russian, the conversation with the Abbot is a bit more clear – the Abbot is proposing that he tonsure Fr. Anatoly into the Great Schema – which in Russian practice only happens towards the end of life and is a sign of the highest level and practice of asceticism. It would reveal Fr. Anatoly’s true state of being. This, he prefers to forego. He’s “too much of a sinner,” which would be true of us all. But it’s this same theme throughout the movie. Humility.

  45. Mallory Avatar
    Mallory

    “I have occasionally had catechumens whom I thought might need to become atheists before they became Orthodox, just to unlearn so many things. But, God is more generous than that – not destroying the world – but renewing it.”

    Fr. Stephen, this is beautiful, and speaks to me. I think this is where I am right now, struggling with my faith and finally in a sort of surrendered state–like, ok, I might just not believe right now and that’s ok. Something that has disturbed me is that before turning to Christ, when my old life fell away, I was reflexively optimistic, and probably engaged in a lot of magical thinking. The idea that the world, or the universe, was always for good, would always take care of me and the ones I loved, and that “manifestation” was natural and beauty was everywhere. Now, all of that thinking seems to have died inside of me, and it’s something I will never understand. Why turning to God, to Christ, first filled me with joy and now has filled me with doubt and guilt. I saw a lot of guilt in my mother’s side of the family who were Italian Catholic, and so now every one of the children are grown up and staunch atheists. I understand that, but I also have a fear of becoming like that. But I think the fear comes from pure selfishness, meaning fear for my own soul in the afterlife, whatever that means. It’s a primal, inner fear, like what if I mess this whole thing up and have to do it all over again? I hope this makes any sense. I am grateful for this space and this community.

    Btw, I also have reread Jane Austen my whole life, always returning to the books and movies. Also, for me, J.D. Salinger was important, who I know is not popular anymore and sort of dismissed, but he really did have some magical stories here and there, full of heart.

  46. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Mallory,
    The optimism and such that you found in New Age thought is not entirely wrong – it was right in many ways but for wrong reasons (theologically). I’ve come to be quite optimistic over the years (contrary to the acquired fearfulness of my childhood, etc.). God is good. His creation is good. It seems to me that He’s doing a very good work in you. May His grace sustain you in all things!

  47. Dee of St Herman Avatar
    Dee of St Herman

    Father , that makes a lot more sense! Thanks!

  48. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Dee,
    I think I missed it the first few times.

  49. Esmée Noelle Covey Avatar
    Esmée Noelle Covey

    One of the best books I have encountered about what it means to acquire an Orthodox mindset is Thinking Orthodox by Dr. Eugenia Constantinou. She explain the word Phronema in great depth and then shows how the Orthodox Phronema differs from both the Catholic and Protestant Phronema. It is a book I wish I had as a Catechumen. She gave a wonderful Lenten retreat on the topic a few years ago which can be watch here:

    PART ONE
    https://www.youtube.com/live/aBW_rMocxd8?si=htMHqCn23py2WZtu

    PART TWO
    https://www.youtube.com/live/2ogNq0DeiVs?si=hDF38O9BEcMUoD0I

  50. Mallory Avatar
    Mallory

    Thank you so much, Fr. Stephen.

  51. Bonnie Avatar
    Bonnie

    Jeanie Murphy,
    Yes, the books of Elizabeth Goudge are good for pointing out the importance of our daily choices. Who could ever forget the scene where Mrs. Billings refuses to respond to the Holy Spirit’s prompting to turn away from selfish cruelty, and toward God’s mercy.

  52. Matthew Avatar
    Matthew

    Hello Mallory.

    I just wanted to add that I was raised in an Irish-Italian American Catholic family. I get the struggles with guilt and shame and I would probably agree that many people leave the Catholic Church for these reasons among others as well.

    That said, after nearly 30 years in an evangelicalism that was mired in anti-Catholic (and probably anti-Orthodox) thought, returning to the Catholic Church has been a whole new experience – sort of a fullness homecoming for lack of a better phrase. Sure … I still struggle with the sort of stuff that western Christianity is so often criticized for, but the context has changed 100 fold and has enabled me to see the richness of the Church and its liturgy as well as its diversity in a whole new way. Also, I am receiving the Eucharist very often and it has made a huge difference in my life.

    In addition the fact that salvation as “Einheit” or “union” with God is not solely an Orthodox teaching pleases me. Even Pope Benedict XVI wrote about this. There are Catholic religious orders and monks who write about and believe in salvation as the Orthodox understand it and I have found no hints of guilt and shame in their witness. That´s not to say that the Catholic Church doesn´t have its issues (it certainly does), nor does it mean that I think you should become Catholic, it´s just to say that I have found more to all this than simply guilt and shame leading to atheism.

    Finally, and for what it´s worth, I think all that is good and true and beautiful about New Age was created by and belongs to Christ. I will pray for the New Agers tonight. Peace to you Mallory.

  53. Byron Avatar
    Byron

    The problem of “escape,” however, is a thorny one. I notice that when I do this as an adult, it’s often like junk food, a restless and low quality consumption.

    Jeanie Murphy, I do the same. In another site, there is a thread about what shows/series have you watched multiple times. On reflection, I realized that I have watched Two-and-a-Half-Men and The Drew Carey Show multiple times. I go back to episodes of these shows often, it seems! Low quality, indeed. But I like to laugh so that seems to be where I go for chuckles.

    I have occasionally had catechumens whom I thought might need to become atheists before they became Orthodox, just to unlearn so many things.

    The first thing I decided to do when I became Orthodox was forget, or unlearn, all I had learned in my Protestant years of church and seminary. I decided to not read anything “theological” for quite some time. I think it was beneficial.

  54. Mallory Avatar
    Mallory

    Thank you, Matthew. It’s a comfort to remember that all the good things in New Age, and in everything, comes from Christ.

    I actually recently went to a service in a beautiful old Anglo-Catholic parish in Philadelphia where most of the service was sung by a talented choir. It was a holy experience, when usually I feel pretty uncomfortable in church still. I’m sure that’s my own failing, but I’m always a little anxious, fidgety, out of place and suddenly aware of all of my faults and all of my stream of judgements running, seemingly without my input, in my head. This church was different, the space itself calmed my nervous system, beauty is so powerful, I felt stillness. I think I may go back.

    Blessing to everyone!

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  1. Thank you, Matthew. It’s a comfort to remember that all the good things in New Age, and in everything, comes…

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