Things I Learned in a Mirror

In my morning mirror, my father’s face stares back at me. As a child, people would say, “You look like your father.” I couldn’t see it, except that my ears were shaped like his. I had no idea that the ears whispered my destiny.

The notion that there is something within us that sets the pattern of our life, and particularly its end, is nothing new. In Orthodoxy, we describe this as the “telos,” (Greek:End). Everything in existence has a purpose, an end for which it was created and for which it exists. It is not possible to know or understand anything without some sense of its end. In medieval scholastic theology, this is described as the “final cause,” something working within us (causing), moving us towards a particular purpose and end. Modernity rejected this notion. Hans Boersma, a conservative Anglican theologian, writes:

Modernity has been loath to accept the idea that the telos of a thing is inherent in its nature. Francis Bacon, in his Novum Organum (1620), was particularly disdainful of final causality. In defense of experimental science, he insisted that we ought to begin with the objects as we have them in front of us and as we access them with the senses. He rejected out of hand, therefore, the notion that ends belong to the nature of things. Boersma, Hans. Seeing God: The Beatific Vision in Christian Tradition (p. 20).

There is a natural pattern of the telos in our genetic reality. DNA is an example of a natural telos, a patterning within us that moves us towards a particular end. A human being, from the moment of its conception, has within it the shape and biological direction of its future. Environment will have its effects, and our choices will set certain directions, but our choices cannot make us other than what our genetic telos has set in motion. We may fight it, deny it, attempt to rewrite our narrative, but there remains a “givenness” to our existence.

This, of course, is simply the “natural” example of the telos. Spiritually, it mirrors the Church’s understanding of a deeper, far more profound telos. The Scripture refers to Christ as the Second Adam, the Alpha and Omega. In Christ, we have revealed before us the telos for which we are created. Indeed, the universe itself, in this understanding, has a Christ shape. We may say (as I often have) that Christ’s Pascha is written in the heart of all things. It reveals the purpose of all things.

When St. Paul says of himself, “I am crucified with Christ” (Gal. 2:20), he is not referring just to the difficult circumstances of his life. He is describing a pattern which is revealed in each of us. We (each of us) have a cruciform telos, it is written in our spiritual DNA.  St. John describes Christ as the Logos of God, noting that all things “were made through Him.” To even postulate that there is a Logos is to assert that there is a pattern to all things of which He is the telos. There is a meaning in all things that is Christ-shaped. The practice of natural contemplation (theoria physike) that is recommended in the Fathers, is the continual search for the pattern of Christ in all things.

Of course, our lives are also shaped by circumstances and decisions. Frequently, what we describe as our “life” is the narrative created by those circumstances. Such considerations bolster the notion that we ourselves are the captains of our own ship. “My life is mine” – we imagine. This conforms well to the myths of modernity. In a world dependent on extreme consumerism, it is important to nurture a sense that every purchase, every choice, every decision, is shaping our happiness and creating our destiny. A spiritual discipline that perceives our life to be a gift – a gift shaped by a God-given telos – is bad for sales. People might become too comfortable with what they already have.

The Christian life is often described as a transformation into the image of Christ.

But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord. (2Cor. 3:18)

This is not a transformation into what we are not. Rather, it is a transformation into what we have always been intended to be. We are being transformed into the image according to which we were created. It is the image of the Lamb Slain before the foundation of the world. We, and the world around us, has been, is now, and always shall be cruciform in accordance with the Logos through Whom it was made. Occasionally, we see glimpses of that glory in a mirror.

About Fr. Stephen Freeman

Fr. Stephen is a retired Archpriest of the Orthodox Church in America. He is also author of Everywhere Present: Christianity in a One-Storey Universe, and Face to Face: Knowing God Beyond Our Shame, as well as the Glory to God podcast series on Ancient Faith Radio.



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131 responses to “Things I Learned in a Mirror”

  1. Simon the Gray Avatar
    Simon the Gray

    Matthew, I think that we begin with the Trinity on this one. There is a kenotic or sacred space between each member of the Trinity. That space is “created” when the Father empties himself (kenosis) with respect to the Son and to the Holy Spirit. The kenosis among the members of the Trinity is Love. This part is a bit sketchy, but in Phil 2:6,7 it is said that Christ gave no consideration to seizing at equality with God. Another way of saying this is that Christ honored the kenosis–sacred space or emptiness–that is at the core of the communion of the Divine Hypostases.

    A fully hypostatic being is a fully kenotic being–inexhaustible emptying.

    The “No” in the garden was an invitation to the first human pair to take baby steps in the direction of kenosis, of self-emptying. Transgressing the kenotic space was a step away from hypostatic being movement away from hypostatic existence (true being) is a step toward false-being.

    There is a sense in which I think the Cross restores the kenotic emptiness that is the ground of hypostatic being.

  2. Simon the Gray Avatar
    Simon the Gray

    Matthew, one other thought. Unfallen suffering could be seen as the kenosis or self-emptying among hypostatic beings. Fallen suffering is the transgression of the kenotic space given to us by God that becomes the matrix in which creation begins its journey to full hypostatic being.

  3. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Matthew,
    Most of what we descibed as human suffering is precisely because of evil. There is nothing “unfallen” about such suffering. And I’ll simplify. I love my wife. So, when there’s but one cookie left on the plate, I leave it for her. I don’t eat it. I deny myself.

    Or, to get more mature with it, her needs as a person take priority in my life rather than my own needs. To myself, I say “no.” Of course, she loves me as well, and treats my needs as greater than her own. The “no” to self is a “yes” to the beloved. And it is a form of suffering. It is not an evil suffering – it is an unfallen suffering. “Greater love has no man than this – that he lay down his life for his friends.” I have an article on marriage and suffering.

    What I am saying of the “no” in the Garden, is that such self-denial existed even in paradise. We should not imagine existence without it. It is not an evil suffering – but the glorious self-emptying of love. Unfallen suffering.

    When we speak of goodness – we should have this in mind.

  4. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Simon,
    Well said. They’ll be changing your name from “the Gray” to “the Wise.” 🙂

  5. Matthew Avatar
    Matthew

    Thanks so much Simon the Gray/Wise 🙂

    Thanks so much Fr. Stephen.

    It makes more sense now, though I must admit I have never thought about the “no” in the Garden quite this way before.

    Can we say that Adam and Eve, rather than being prefectly formed and completed beings in the Garden, were also on a kenotic journey with each other and with God? Might we say that the eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil thwarted this whole beautiful process?

  6. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Matthew,
    Indeed, we can. St. Irenaeus described Adam and Eve as “adolescents.” St. Maximus even postulated their “fall” as nearly simultaneous with their creation. Both are just ways of describing our turn away from the path of love (self-emptying).

    I very much treasure the icon of the harrowing of hell (the resurrection icon of Pascha) where Christ is taking them by the hand a bringing them forth. In Orthodoxy, Adam and Eve are both honored as saints. The Greek name for Eve is “Zoe,” which is quite common among them. This is such a huge difference from their treatment in many places in the West.

  7. Matthew Avatar
    Matthew

    Thanks Fr. Stephen. I treasure that icon too.

  8. Kenneth Avatar
    Kenneth

    Thank you for all of these thoughts relating kenosis to the Garden of Eden. I’m still connecting the dots to the practice of fasting. Is fasting a spiritual training in the ability to love by practicing acts of self-denial and kenosis?

  9. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Kenneth,
    Yes, essentially. This is especially true for us in a relatively wealthy consumerist culture. My parents (long passed), would not have thought anything strange about abstaining from certain foods. They grew up in a time of scarcity (the Great Depression). Eating meat at the rate we presently do would have destroyed their livelihoods. My father, for example, would get a single orange at Christmas when he was a child – that’s all. One orange. Doubtless, it would have tasted “sweeter” than any that we eat so casually today.

    I think the fact that Orthodox fasting strikes modern Americans as extreme says nothing about Orthodox fasting and everything about how narcissistically we eat as a culture. So, in many ways, we’re only practicing to become “human” in the disciplines of Great Lent.

    It’s also for these same reasons that I always counseled newcomers to Orthodoxy to “start slowly.” I would add that fasting without alms giving (sharing our wealth with others) is not true Orthodoxy. Prayer, fasting, alms – the three belong together. To which I would add – forgive others just as you want to be forgiven.

  10. Matthew Avatar
    Matthew

    How exactly does fasting prepare me for being human? So, I deny myself and as such am able to give more to others? I’m also wondering how Great Lent, and Orthodox fasting in general, differs from Lent and fasting in the West? I want to learn more about this.

  11. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Matthew,
    If we truly love others, then we’re always fasting on some level. We deny ourselves in order to serve them, to put them ahead of ourselves. Prayer, fasting, almsgiving, repentance (confession), are the great disciplines of Orthodox Lent and practiced at other times of the year. For example, Lenten fasting is practiced on Wednesdays and Fridays throughout the year with only occasional exceptions.

    It is a patient work of acquiring the virtues that allow us to keep the passions in their proper order. Nothing is wrong with eating and drinking, much less the foods we choose to fast from. What is “wrong” is a disordered appetite that seeks only to consume. Fasting helps restore the balance – so that are human beings and not consumption machines. The same is true with alms-giving. We do not (and should not) imagine that we’re somehow changing the world and ending human suffering, etc. Rather, we are practicing generosity – sharing what we have with others.

    When we struggle in the Fast, we discover that it reveals things within us: greed, gluttony, envy, jealousy, sexual depravity, etc. Discovering such things, we take them to confession to “pull back the curtain” from the shame of our brokenness and asking for forgiveness and healing.

    This same process should be going on throughout the year. The difference with Great Lent is its length and the additional prayers and services that go along with it.

  12. Matthew Avatar
    Matthew

    Thanks Fr. Stephen so much.

    What do you think about self-care in this context? Is it possible to love and serve others if I don´t love myself the way I should … regardless of how much I practice the spiritual disciplines (like fasting)?

    I know in the modern, secular west it is ALL about taking care of yourself. I think there needs to be a balance, though balance is not what I see in Holy Scripture nor what I hear being proclaimed through the Church and the Church´s teachings.

    What I am reading and hearing is pretty radical self denial.

  13. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Matthew,
    What I am describing in Orthodox fasting, etc., is a practice, not a rule or law. A key element within that practice is the sacrament of confession. Ideally, a priest offers guidance and correction and assists us in our fasting practice so that it doesn’t lose the balance required. We should not mistake self-denial with our own neuroses. I think it’s important that we not do these things alone – but in the context and life of the Church and all of the sacraments.

    I recall a gentleman who really loved fasting. But he did so for the wrong reasons (his reasons were sort of neurotic). I gave him a “lesser” discipline so that he could learn to restrain his perfectionism (just an example).

    It’s really not very radical (unless it’s being done wrongly). It’s simply living in a more normal, loving manner and not living out of our desires to consume everything and everyone.

    It takes time and patience (that word again!).

  14. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Matthew,
    We deeply underestimate what it means to become truly human. St. Sophrony wrote a fair amount about “hypostatic” existence (true personhood). The largeness and fullness of that kind of being exceeds anything we begin to imagine. The self-emptying we practice yields (ultimately) the ability to contain the whole of the universe in a fullness of existence that the Fathers describe as “theosis.” This is the fullness of love. Only poetry or music could begin to express such a thing – my words fail me.

  15. Matthew Avatar
    Matthew

    Patience. Yes. Words failing. Yes.

    Fr. Stephen said:

    “When we struggle in the Fast, we discover that it reveals things within us: greed, gluttony, envy, jealousy, sexual depravity, etc. Discovering such things, we take them to confession to “pull back the curtain” from the shame of our brokenness and asking for forgiveness and healing.”

    I suppose it is the same when we struggle in other spiritual disciplines like praying and alms giving. In those spiritual disciplines as well I suppose shame is also revealed and should be brought to your confessor.

    Fr. Stephen also said:

    “We deeply underestimate what it means to become truly human. St. Sophrony wrote a fair amount about “hypostatic” existence (true personhood). The largeness and fullness of that kind of being exceeds anything we begin to imagine. The self-emptying we practice yields (ultimately) the ability to contain the whole of the universe in a fullness of existence that the Fathers describe as “theosis.” This is the fullness of love. Only poetry or music could begin to express such a thing – my words fail me.”

    This is so very beautiful, though largely impossible for me to grasp at this point.

    I know … patience.

  16. Owen Kelly Avatar
    Owen Kelly

    Fr. Stephen,
    If it’s not too much of a rabbit trail, could you please say more about “hypostatic” existence (true personhood)? Something tells me this could help focus our attention as the Great and Holy Fast begins. I often hear you mention it but have never studied the teaching myself.

  17. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Owen,
    The term comes up in our comment-conversation, but you’ll notice that it rarely comes up in articles themselves. It’s because of its difficulty in describing sufficiently. It is primarily something articulated by St. Sophrony, particularly in his book, We Shall See Him As He Is. But it can also be found in the writings of Archimandrite Zacharias (disciple of St. Sophrony), especially in his book, Christ, Our Way and Our Life. This was Fr. Zacharias’ doctoral thesis at Oxford if I’m not mistaken. It is a much more careful, systematic (if you will) treatment of St. Sophrony’s work and teaching.

    To exist “hypostatically” could also be expressed as “personally” – but St. Sophrony preferred the former term because of the ambiguities found in the term “person” in modern usage. It is to exist (by grace but not by nature) as the persons of the Holy Trinity exist. It is especially to exist in a manner in which we could say that our very ontology is love. Love, not as something we do, but as something we are. But there’s so, so much to unpack in this. The best that I can recommend is reading St. Sophrony.

    I will add this: I have met a couple of people (both of them were at the Monastery of St. John the Baptist in Essex, founded by St. Sophrony) who are very likely living saints. Their humility was astounding. When I was with them, I had a sense that they were utterly present with/to me, and had no preoccupation with things of the self. But, something I have a hard time expressing, is that I was aware of a “largeness” in their presence. There was a “greatness” of their being. It was “awesome” in the original meaning of the word. I have seen this a couple of other times – again with persons whom I suspect are/were living saints. It’s “uncanny” and beyond description.

  18. Owen Kelly Avatar
    Owen Kelly

    Thanks for the generous response, Father. I don’t know if I’ve ever met anyone with the kind of humility you describe. Maybe seen one or two on video. To be in their presence is, I’m sure, a revelation.

  19. Kenneth Avatar
    Kenneth

    How did their humility manifest? Was it particular things they said, or more of a spiritual sense that you felt in their presence?

  20. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Kenneth,
    There was a gracious (grace-filled) generosity that put me at ease, on the one hand, but no false modesty on the other. Very hard to describe.

  21. Matthew Avatar
    Matthew

    Fr. Stephen said:

    “It is to exist (by grace but not by nature) as the persons of the Holy Trinity exist. It is especially to exist in a manner in which we could say that our very ontology is love. Love, not as something we do, but as something we are.”

    How can I as one person exist as the persons of the Holy Trinity? What I am learning about hypostatic existence is very beautiful. Would Orthodoxy support the notion of moving from the false self (ego) to the true self (union with God) as being the actual the path of salvation? Finally, in times of prayer I find myself sometimes detached from my thoughts and in a state of what might be described as something you all are talking about … but I don´t want to get ahead of myself!

  22. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Matthew,
    You asked: “How can I as one person exist as the persons of the Holy Trinity?”

    You can’t. We aren’t created to exist as “one person.” “It is not good for man to be alone,” we were told in the Garden. To exist as a true person, to exist hypostatically, is to exist as a person among persons – how else could we love?

    St. Silouan said, “My brother is my life.”

    As for moving from false self to true self – yes, if we understand that the true self is to be in union with Christ – not apart from Him.

  23. Matthew Avatar
    Matthew

    Ah ha … thanks so much Fr. Stephen. This is all so beautiful, but I am saddened by how so few people both within Christianity and outside it don´t know this wonderful stuff.

    It is all beyond words. Thanks so much for the work you all do to help me. I so appreciate it.

  24. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Matthew,
    Yes. We’ve been doing our best to keep it secret. 🙂

  25. Matthew Avatar
    Matthew

    Well don”t keep it a secret any longer! 😁

  26. Matthew Avatar
    Matthew

    I have not been able to get the “no” in the Garden; the limits places on Adam and Eve out of my head.

    Simon the Gray said:

    “The “No” in the garden was an invitation to the first human pair to take baby steps in the direction of kenosis, of self-emptying.”

    Were they not already, prior to the eating from the tree of good and evil, acting in a self-emptying way? Why the need for baby steps?

    I simply don´t understand why the tree of the knowledge of good and evil was even planted in the Garden in the first place. Why the temptation? Why the limit? It seems like everything was going well for God, for Adam and Eve, for the created order. Never quit a winning team a doctor once said to me! 🙂

  27. Fr. Stephen Avatar

    Matthew,
    It seems to me that you’ve got the notion that Adam and Eve fell from perfection (“everything was going fine…”). St. Irenaeus described them as “adolescents,” that is to say, we were created not as full, complete, finished perfect humans…but as beings on the way to becoming full, complete, finished perfect humans. What we see in the Garden is freedom. It’s not the only thing – but it is necessary for who and what we are. The whole of the “human project” is not completed until Christ says on the Cross, “It is finished.”

    Perfection cannot be described as “not sinning” – but as “self-emptying.” There were other opportunities for self-emptying, to be sure. But God gave us “the Tree” as a means of self-emptying towards Him (the commandment).

    Also, don’t get too hung up on the literal aspects of the Bibilical story.

    I believe that God always knew how we would choose – and created us anyway – also knowing what He would do that would draw us out of the jaws of death and feed us properly from the Tree of Life. After all, the Lamb was slain “from the foundations of the world,” i.e. even before the creation.

    We cannot really ponder “what might have been” had they not eaten of the Tree. That’s not a story that is given to us. We cannot even ponder how all of this looked historically – in that we’re not given a historical, biological account in Genesis. We given the iconic account of Adam and Eve. That we certainly can ponder.

    It is a Christ-story. It is also Everyman’s story. We all break the commandment and eat of the tree wrongfully. We all find ourselves standing outside the Garden weeping for a return. To each of us, Christ comes and invites us to join Him on the Way. He heals us and teaches us how to properly eat of the Tree (“My flesh is real food”).

    It’s not sinlessness that is our goal – it is union with Christ in the image of God – our full transformation – to becoming “fully human.” St. Irenaeus said, “The glory of God is a man, fully alive.” St. Ignatius of Antioch, who wrote letters to the Churches as he was being transported to Rome for trial and execution,” spoke of himself as traveling towards “becoming human.” It is in dying that we live…etc.

  28. Owen Kelly Avatar
    Owen Kelly

    Matthew,
    Here’s a thought. No living thing grows stronger without resistance. Children are spoiled when there are no limiting factors in their life. God’s “no” is a limit on our autonomous (i.e. egoic) freedom – the “freedom” to be selfish. As we resist the temptation of selfish desires, the True Self grows stronger in synergy with God.

    We “flex” this selflessness, under resistance, until the “old man” dies. True freedom results when God’s “limits” are embraced and the separate self dies. God’s “no” turns out to be a “yes” because it leads us to our natural end, the unchanging freedom of selfless love.

    Another way to say all of this is that there is no Resurrection without the Cross.

  29. Owen Kelly Avatar
    Owen Kelly

    It looks like Father and I posted at nearly the same time. I like his response better. 😊

  30. Simon the Gray Avatar
    Simon the Gray

    This! “Perfection cannot be described as “not sinning” – but as “self-emptying.””

    And this!! “It’s not sinlessness that is our goal – it is union with Christ in the image of God – our full transformation – to becoming “fully human.””

    I had planned to write more. Allow me to make a suggestion. Take something that resonates with you and meditate on that. It is more edifying, I think. For example, the two quotes from Fr. Stephen above resonate with me. They are evidently things I am primed to see and to appreciate right now. God isn’t interested in what we know. He is interested in what we become. As Fr. Stephen said “our full transformation.”

  31. Matthew Avatar
    Matthew

    Thanks so much Fr. Stephen and Owen. Clarity.

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